I'm Happy, I promise, but sometimes....

Let me start this post by saying I am happy.  I am generally happy 6 out of  7 days a week.  I have my moments where I feel like life sucks, but so does everyone else.  But generally, I'm happy.

I'm happy with my life.  I'm happy with where it's going.  I'm (mostly) happy with my kids attitudes.  I'm happy with my husband.  I'm happy.

But sometimes....

Last night I went to Aqua fit.  I had been 2 weeks ago for Aqua Fit.  The pool was cold and it wasn't the best time.  My friend and I were cold so we got out early.  Instead of 2 sessions we did 1 (we normally do 1 round 2 times). 

This week we had a bit warmer water and it was fun.  I really enjoyed being back in the pool.  I got to visit with my friend K.  K has been doing aqua fit with me for a while.  We are around the same age (I think she is about 3 years older than me).  She is a kindergarten teacher in the GTA and is alot of fun!  She has a daughter, H, and her hubby, C.  They are so nice.  I finally met them this weekend while shopping! 

Anyway when I first started Aqua Fit I was one of the only "young" women.  K and I had alot of fun.  We would visit about our kids and how things were going.  The next "youngest" lady was about 60 or so.  When we were pregnant with Baby Casey telling K was something I was SO excited about.  And the same with Otis. 

And when we knew we were done, forever, I told K.  She was so supportive.  She and her hubby had been trying as well and she said they were done.  (We had both been trying at the same time)  It sounds silly but knowing I could go to Aqua Fit and have it be the only place I was "safe" from babies was great!  I LOVE it! 

Well last night as we were leaving K made a comment and I stopped and looked at her and went "Oh my gosh, you are pregnant!".  She smiled and said yes.  Then proceded to tell me how sorry she was and that this wasn't the right time to be telling me and how she just didnt' want this to be happening like this.

Then it hit me.  People are scared/afraid to tell me things.  Esp when they have to do with babies.

People... I AM OK! 

I spent about 45 minutes telling my good friend how happy I was; how excited I am; how I can't wait to meet this little one inside and how wonderful a mother she will be to her 2 kids.

Then, no lie, I went home and cried in my husbands arms.

I am happy.  I am.  I am so happy that a family is getting the chance to have another baby.  K and her hubby have tired for almost 2 years. This is a wonderful thing for her. 

But for me.  I'm still adjusting.  It's hard to have my one "non baby" outlet invaded.  Will I be happy when I see her again, hell yes!  Will I be excited for this baby, oh yes!  Will I wish it was me, no.

We are done.  We are done having our own flesh and blood babies.  And we are ok with this.

Will I be sad sometimes?  yes.  Yes.... yes.

But please.  Don't "protect me".  I will not be able to go through life without seeing another baby, without a friend being pregnant, without things like this happening.  It's totally normal and I am totally ok with it.

I am happy.  I promise!  But sometimes I just need to be a little sad.