Life

Life is hard sometimes.  It's wonderful sometimes.  And still others... I go crazy!

For now an "information" post is best.  November was a hard month. 

I had an ultrasound on Nov 14th and on the 15th I got a call saying the baby was small and had a lack of fluid.  I made an appointment with an OB for  Nov 21st and waited.

We saw her and went over my history.  We did a quick talk about the past ultrasound and tried to find babys heartbeat.  We couldn't.  I was sent for an ultrasound, blood work, and back to the office.  My blood pressure was high, very high.

We were sent to L&D at the hospital.  They couldn't get my 202/120 BP down.  We ended up in ICU doing drugs to get my BP under control.  After spending Wednesday to Monday there I met with the baby specialist about how small our little one was.  He suggested we transfer to Mount Siani(sp) hospital.  We did Monday afternoon.

We were admitted and drugged some more!  My BP dropped lower than I've ever seen and I was sick.  We ended up waiting overnight to get into the ultrasound to see the baby.  God granted us with not having to make the choice about our baby.  My severe pre-ecclampia was so bad that we knew the only way to get better was to deliver our baby early.  But at the ultrasound we found out our little one had already passed away a few days before.

I was induced and delivered our sweet baby Otis Gus Gilbert Visser on Wednesday, Nov 28th around 4am. 

We spent the next few days in the hospital working on my Blood pressure.  I was released on Friday and I'm home now.

I'm still on meds for my bp and I'm working to keep it under control.  I take one med at 6am and 6pm and then another med at 10am and 10pm.  It's hard to keep on track but I need to do this.

Now I'm grieving.  My baby boy.  My sweet baby boy is gone and I can't do anything about it.  Some days are good, some days are bad and some are both.  Some nights I can sleep, some nights I can't and some nights I don't know what to do. 

The boys are getting by.  Every once and a while we get questions from my boys about it.  Tonight Quinton prayed for baby and asked God to keep him safe and I started crying.  Every day is different.

So for now, bare with me while I work through this.  I'm having a hard time sometimes.  Others... I'm ready to take on the world, for a few hours.

I'll be back, I promise.