He has grown up so much since our first Canada Day!
Showing posts with label Marriage Mondays. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Marriage Mondays. Show all posts
Monday, July 1, 2013
Marriage Monday ~ HAPPY CANADA DAY!!!
While I have a post that works perfectly for this week I'm posting a picture of my "family" today. Kyler and I are the only ones in Ontario this Canada Day. So we are going to have fun and celebrate the best we can.
He has grown up so much since our first Canada Day!
He has grown up so much since our first Canada Day!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Marriage Monday ~ Money, Part 3
Last month we talked about Grocery Budget and how our family makes it work for us. Not you, but our family. US. It works for US. Please keep this in mind while reading these posts.
This month I'm writing about our budget.
This took a while for it to come about and for it to finally be something that works for US.
When we first started DR (Dave Ramsey) I had SO many things on our budget list. They were a list of:
While there may be "more" lists they aren't as detailed as they were before. We have found some things work better for and some don't. For example... We save about 40.00 a month for Christmas/Birthday. But during the summer months we kinda "lax" on that. Not because we don't want to do it but because we don't have many birthdays or anything to go to or do.
About 2 months ago we added in our "Mental Health" fund. It's $40.00 a month. It's mainly for when I just can't handle cooking, we have nothing ready or I just need out of the house. we use that to help with whatever the cost might be. So if we have 20.00 left in our entertainment/eating out budget that's enough for a babysitter. And Arnold and I can go out on the 40.00 from the mental health category.
We have also switched pays since we started DR. When we had started we were paid on the 15th and the last day of the month. Now we are paid every 2 weeks. This means that there are 2 months where we get paid 3 times a month.
This just happen for us. We were paid 3 times this month. Last year I didn't quite "get" it so this year I was really careful. I put away the 2 weeks worth of grocery money, 2 weeks worth of gas money, part of our rent money and 2 of our things that have to be paid every month. we had enough "left over" to put $500.00 on a CC and $500.00 into savings for this summer's boat trip. And to help this summer if needed.
So here's the breakdown of our budget, so you have an idea:
Rent: Our rent is taken out on the 1st of every month. Our Rent budget include our utilities (which are included in our rent cheque). We save the month before for the next month. For example. This month we have been putting some money away each pay to cover July's rent.
Bank Fees: We pay more than we "should" but this covers anything and everything. We have unlimited bank accounts (we currently have 6); up to 10 e-transfers a month (we use anywhere from 2 to 4 a month); and unlimited transactions.
Offering: We have started to do our churches direct withdraw from our bank account. It comes out on the last day of the month.
These three accounts (Rent, Bank Fees and Offering) are saved for in one account labeled "Rent" in our bank.
Internet: My husbands work pays for a portion of our internet. This is because Arnold is on at least 1 pager rotation a month (prime and secondary) and needs the internet at home in order to keep it working. While it doesn't cover it all it does cover part of it. We have this bill automatically taken out from our CC. This was something that was needed to set it up. And for us, it works well (not recommended by DR). We take the first pay each month and put on the amount of our bill to the CC right away. Then the bill come in and the amount we have put on "credits" the amount that is billed. Then the money we get from hubbys work goes into our budget as well. We have had to upgrade as we host a server in our house and we have enough people using the internet that it's needed.
RESP: We started this when Kyler was born. It's a Registered Education Savings Plan. We put $25.00 per month per child away for this. It's not something that we *should* be doing yet (according to DR) but this was something we needed so Arnold would feel more comfortable doing this program. He wanted to know that even if it took us 18 years to pay everything off our kids would have something for school.
Insurance: We pay this from our bank account every month. It comes out on the 22nd or so. It's for our liability, our car, Arnold's bike, and our contents.
Student Loans: My Student Loans were paid off last year (thank you for all your help!) and now we are plugging away at the loans Arnold has. Which is a lot. These will take us way more time than we want them too but that is ok. We know why we got them and they are a loan we can handle for now. Every few months Arnold does apply for "interest relief" because we can't afford the complete payment. We have been blessed in the past few months to be able to put a little more on the loans. A few hundred here and a few hundred there have helped us to get them down a bit more.
Cell Phones: One thing you will see is we do NOT have a home phone on our bill. When we moved to Toronto we got a home phone and something happen and it fried! So we figured, why keep 2 cell phones and a home phone. So my cell is our "home phone". Arnold's phone is truly the cell phone. My phone doesn't stay at home however. This has been a bit of an "issue" when hiring babysitters. Our Babysitters need to have cell phones or something to contact people if help is needed. We have left one of our phones at home every once and a while.
Mir Visa/Arnold Visa/Arnold MC/Mir MC: These are our credit cards (duh!). We made some serious mistakes years ago and are paying for them now. Truly. We are working on getting them paid off. When we started the DR program we had 6 CC, a family loan and 2 student loans. We are now down to 4 CC's and that's it :) This does make me happy. I realize not for everyone but we are good with this. The DR program recommends that you put your lowest amount CC first. You pay that off then use the payments you would have paid to "snowball" to the next CC and get it paid off asap. While I believe you can "live" without CC's in Canada I feel like we need to each have one. I'm closing my VISA and Arnold will close his MC. This way we have one VISA and one MC. Each, that we are keeping, are the lowest interest rates of them all. However... DH's VISA is our lowest balance. We aren't paying that one off as fast as possible but it is on our list.
Mental Health: As I explained above, this one was just added in to make sure I don't go crazy!
Food: Our Food budget is taken out in 2 week intervals. I used to do shopping once a month (see last post) but now I'm going weekly. This is helping us out a lot more. And it makes me putting money aside for it every month helpful. Our food budget does include things like Food, cleaning products, possible needs for the house.
Gas/Oil/Car: This budget is mainly for the Gas/Oil part. See, we started, what most people call, a "sinking fund" for the Car. We know one day we will need to replace it. For now. We have about $1,000.00 put aside to help repair the car, or help to buy a new one if we need to. We just recently brought our car in to get the AC fixed (cause I don't want to melt in the car) and that came out of our car budget. We will build it back up as "extra" cash comes in. We never let it go under $500.00
Entertainment/Eating Out: I don't know about you but I have never been able to go a whole month without eating out. And with our crazy schedules sometimes it's good to have this as an option. This covers going out to a movie (which we rarely do) and going to have dinner out. If we go as a whole family (5-6 people depending on the day and time) it can cost us anywhere form $50-$80.00. This isn't too bad, but sometimes I'm in shock how much we spend. This helps us to realize we need to pick good days to go out.
Education/Book Orders: We put this in when K went to school. There were so many things I had forgotten about that I wanted to be able to do for K and Q at school. They have a "Nutrition Program" where you pay $2.00 a week (Toonie Tuesday) and we get money to help run the program. I've begun to learn more about it and know that at last 2 people in every classroom NEED this program. They didn't have breakfast or anything so they can't make it to lunch. If they have a lunch. This program helps our kids have food to eat. We also have book orders. Lately we have limited how much we can spend on it each month. One month K picks a book (below $10.00 unless they pitch in their own money) and the next month Q does. It's a great help for keeping the cost down.
Medical/Health: This covers drugs :) I am on BP meds and this covers my meds. I get most of the cost covered by our health plan (taken right off Arnold's pay cheque) but I still have to pay the fee for getting it. It also covers things like headache meds, drugs for my sinus cold last month, the kids meds when they have colds or are sick. That kind of stuff. This is something we do have a "cap" on. We never have more than $100.00 in this budget. It just doesn't make sense.
Christmas/Birthday: This one, as I've said above, is hard. We have K's bday in March, Q's bday in April, my bday in October, Arnold's bday in November. And then Christmas. So we don't "need" money in the summer time for birthdays but it changes now and then. We are also beginning to experience friends birthdays and going to their parties. We have had to increase our budget a bit. We know that at Christmas we spend, maybe more than others. So we take what we spent last year, add about $50.00 (since prices always climb) and we budget that out for 12 months. Then add some extra for birthday times as well. Every year it's different but generally we can handle it. all.
Commuting Costs: This is part of the reason our "Gas" budget isn't as high. And why we only have one "car". Arnold has a bike that is a big part of our savings. He saves about $5.50 a day by biking. While that may not seem like a lot to you, and sometimes to him (mainly on days it's raining) he loves biking. It keeps him in shape, he does something, most others don't and he loves setting an example to the kids of what he can do. In a month, if Arnold bikes every week day, and there are no vacations, we save $110.00 a month. This is in our budget, not as a saving, but knowing that we still need to spend money on it. Arnold's bike needs new things all the time. It's like another car (and sometimes I'm pretty sure it gets more KM's than our car does!). We try to put aside $40.00 a month to help with the costs of repairs. If it's not all used it gets socked away for the Bike Show in Toronto when we go and he gets new shoes/gloves/tubes/ect to stock up at home. He also takes the TTC to get to work in the winter months (sometimes) so we pay for that, which means our costs go up in October until March. They are between $95.00 to $110.00 (depending on vacation times/days).
Anyway... this is our budget. I know there is so much more I wish I could help you understand but I can only tell you what I have done. If you have questions please let me know. I'll do my best to answer them. Remember this is what works for US. Not the whole world but what works for US.
Next month I'm going to write about "sinking funds" and how important it is to have those around. Even if you don't own a home!
This month I'm writing about our budget.
This took a while for it to come about and for it to finally be something that works for US.
When we first started DR (Dave Ramsey) I had SO many things on our budget list. They were a list of:
Groceries
Books
Gas and Oil
Car Repairs and Tires
Clothing – Arnold
Clothing – Miranda
Clothing – boys
Baby-sitter
Christmas
hair care
blow money (spending money)
entertainment/dinning out
church tithing
medical (co pay and prescriptions)
household
Next big thing – Piano tuner
Next big thing – Camera
Next big thing – Computer/Photo drive
NOT included are things like bills/rent/CC's, anything paid for directly from our account
- the last 3 things "Next big thing" were not part of the DR program but I needed themNow our "budget" looks like this:
Rent Bank Fees Offering Internet Resp Insurance Student Loan Cell Phones Mir Visa - CC Arnold Visa - CC Arnold MC - CC Mir MC - CC Mental Health Food Gas/oil/car Entertainment/Eating Out Education/Book Orders Medical/Health Christmas/Birthday Commuting Cost
While there may be "more" lists they aren't as detailed as they were before. We have found some things work better for and some don't. For example... We save about 40.00 a month for Christmas/Birthday. But during the summer months we kinda "lax" on that. Not because we don't want to do it but because we don't have many birthdays or anything to go to or do.
About 2 months ago we added in our "Mental Health" fund. It's $40.00 a month. It's mainly for when I just can't handle cooking, we have nothing ready or I just need out of the house. we use that to help with whatever the cost might be. So if we have 20.00 left in our entertainment/eating out budget that's enough for a babysitter. And Arnold and I can go out on the 40.00 from the mental health category.
We have also switched pays since we started DR. When we had started we were paid on the 15th and the last day of the month. Now we are paid every 2 weeks. This means that there are 2 months where we get paid 3 times a month.
This just happen for us. We were paid 3 times this month. Last year I didn't quite "get" it so this year I was really careful. I put away the 2 weeks worth of grocery money, 2 weeks worth of gas money, part of our rent money and 2 of our things that have to be paid every month. we had enough "left over" to put $500.00 on a CC and $500.00 into savings for this summer's boat trip. And to help this summer if needed.
So here's the breakdown of our budget, so you have an idea:
Rent: Our rent is taken out on the 1st of every month. Our Rent budget include our utilities (which are included in our rent cheque). We save the month before for the next month. For example. This month we have been putting some money away each pay to cover July's rent.
Bank Fees: We pay more than we "should" but this covers anything and everything. We have unlimited bank accounts (we currently have 6); up to 10 e-transfers a month (we use anywhere from 2 to 4 a month); and unlimited transactions.
Offering: We have started to do our churches direct withdraw from our bank account. It comes out on the last day of the month.
These three accounts (Rent, Bank Fees and Offering) are saved for in one account labeled "Rent" in our bank.
Internet: My husbands work pays for a portion of our internet. This is because Arnold is on at least 1 pager rotation a month (prime and secondary) and needs the internet at home in order to keep it working. While it doesn't cover it all it does cover part of it. We have this bill automatically taken out from our CC. This was something that was needed to set it up. And for us, it works well (not recommended by DR). We take the first pay each month and put on the amount of our bill to the CC right away. Then the bill come in and the amount we have put on "credits" the amount that is billed. Then the money we get from hubbys work goes into our budget as well. We have had to upgrade as we host a server in our house and we have enough people using the internet that it's needed.
RESP: We started this when Kyler was born. It's a Registered Education Savings Plan. We put $25.00 per month per child away for this. It's not something that we *should* be doing yet (according to DR) but this was something we needed so Arnold would feel more comfortable doing this program. He wanted to know that even if it took us 18 years to pay everything off our kids would have something for school.
Insurance: We pay this from our bank account every month. It comes out on the 22nd or so. It's for our liability, our car, Arnold's bike, and our contents.
Student Loans: My Student Loans were paid off last year (thank you for all your help!) and now we are plugging away at the loans Arnold has. Which is a lot. These will take us way more time than we want them too but that is ok. We know why we got them and they are a loan we can handle for now. Every few months Arnold does apply for "interest relief" because we can't afford the complete payment. We have been blessed in the past few months to be able to put a little more on the loans. A few hundred here and a few hundred there have helped us to get them down a bit more.
Cell Phones: One thing you will see is we do NOT have a home phone on our bill. When we moved to Toronto we got a home phone and something happen and it fried! So we figured, why keep 2 cell phones and a home phone. So my cell is our "home phone". Arnold's phone is truly the cell phone. My phone doesn't stay at home however. This has been a bit of an "issue" when hiring babysitters. Our Babysitters need to have cell phones or something to contact people if help is needed. We have left one of our phones at home every once and a while.
Mir Visa/Arnold Visa/Arnold MC/Mir MC: These are our credit cards (duh!). We made some serious mistakes years ago and are paying for them now. Truly. We are working on getting them paid off. When we started the DR program we had 6 CC, a family loan and 2 student loans. We are now down to 4 CC's and that's it :) This does make me happy. I realize not for everyone but we are good with this. The DR program recommends that you put your lowest amount CC first. You pay that off then use the payments you would have paid to "snowball" to the next CC and get it paid off asap. While I believe you can "live" without CC's in Canada I feel like we need to each have one. I'm closing my VISA and Arnold will close his MC. This way we have one VISA and one MC. Each, that we are keeping, are the lowest interest rates of them all. However... DH's VISA is our lowest balance. We aren't paying that one off as fast as possible but it is on our list.
Mental Health: As I explained above, this one was just added in to make sure I don't go crazy!
Food: Our Food budget is taken out in 2 week intervals. I used to do shopping once a month (see last post) but now I'm going weekly. This is helping us out a lot more. And it makes me putting money aside for it every month helpful. Our food budget does include things like Food, cleaning products, possible needs for the house.
Gas/Oil/Car: This budget is mainly for the Gas/Oil part. See, we started, what most people call, a "sinking fund" for the Car. We know one day we will need to replace it. For now. We have about $1,000.00 put aside to help repair the car, or help to buy a new one if we need to. We just recently brought our car in to get the AC fixed (cause I don't want to melt in the car) and that came out of our car budget. We will build it back up as "extra" cash comes in. We never let it go under $500.00
Entertainment/Eating Out: I don't know about you but I have never been able to go a whole month without eating out. And with our crazy schedules sometimes it's good to have this as an option. This covers going out to a movie (which we rarely do) and going to have dinner out. If we go as a whole family (5-6 people depending on the day and time) it can cost us anywhere form $50-$80.00. This isn't too bad, but sometimes I'm in shock how much we spend. This helps us to realize we need to pick good days to go out.
Education/Book Orders: We put this in when K went to school. There were so many things I had forgotten about that I wanted to be able to do for K and Q at school. They have a "Nutrition Program" where you pay $2.00 a week (Toonie Tuesday) and we get money to help run the program. I've begun to learn more about it and know that at last 2 people in every classroom NEED this program. They didn't have breakfast or anything so they can't make it to lunch. If they have a lunch. This program helps our kids have food to eat. We also have book orders. Lately we have limited how much we can spend on it each month. One month K picks a book (below $10.00 unless they pitch in their own money) and the next month Q does. It's a great help for keeping the cost down.
Medical/Health: This covers drugs :) I am on BP meds and this covers my meds. I get most of the cost covered by our health plan (taken right off Arnold's pay cheque) but I still have to pay the fee for getting it. It also covers things like headache meds, drugs for my sinus cold last month, the kids meds when they have colds or are sick. That kind of stuff. This is something we do have a "cap" on. We never have more than $100.00 in this budget. It just doesn't make sense.
Christmas/Birthday: This one, as I've said above, is hard. We have K's bday in March, Q's bday in April, my bday in October, Arnold's bday in November. And then Christmas. So we don't "need" money in the summer time for birthdays but it changes now and then. We are also beginning to experience friends birthdays and going to their parties. We have had to increase our budget a bit. We know that at Christmas we spend, maybe more than others. So we take what we spent last year, add about $50.00 (since prices always climb) and we budget that out for 12 months. Then add some extra for birthday times as well. Every year it's different but generally we can handle it. all.
Commuting Costs: This is part of the reason our "Gas" budget isn't as high. And why we only have one "car". Arnold has a bike that is a big part of our savings. He saves about $5.50 a day by biking. While that may not seem like a lot to you, and sometimes to him (mainly on days it's raining) he loves biking. It keeps him in shape, he does something, most others don't and he loves setting an example to the kids of what he can do. In a month, if Arnold bikes every week day, and there are no vacations, we save $110.00 a month. This is in our budget, not as a saving, but knowing that we still need to spend money on it. Arnold's bike needs new things all the time. It's like another car (and sometimes I'm pretty sure it gets more KM's than our car does!). We try to put aside $40.00 a month to help with the costs of repairs. If it's not all used it gets socked away for the Bike Show in Toronto when we go and he gets new shoes/gloves/tubes/ect to stock up at home. He also takes the TTC to get to work in the winter months (sometimes) so we pay for that, which means our costs go up in October until March. They are between $95.00 to $110.00 (depending on vacation times/days).
Anyway... this is our budget. I know there is so much more I wish I could help you understand but I can only tell you what I have done. If you have questions please let me know. I'll do my best to answer them. Remember this is what works for US. Not the whole world but what works for US.
Next month I'm going to write about "sinking funds" and how important it is to have those around. Even if you don't own a home!
Monday, June 17, 2013
Marriage Monday ~ Happy Father's Day!
While we didn't get Arnold anything "big" this year we did spend time together. Check out the men in my life:
Monday, June 10, 2013
Marriage Monday ~ Loving When Things Are Hard
**If you have read much of this blog, or follow me on FB you know that we have lost 2 babies last year. I want to say first and foremost I know not everyone has experienced this type of loss. So that being said I'm going to try and gear this post to something else that's "hard" instead.**
Hard
Things are always hard right?
Sometimes we take on too much
Sometimes we have too much time to spend doing/thinking about the "hard" things
And sometimes we just have to deal with it head on.
When I took my Doula classes I learned more about the "fight or flight" reactions we have as humans. When something "hard" happens we can either "fight" the problem or we can "flight" run from it. I knew during our study it was more of an in pain thing but it really works for just about anything.
The other day in class (I volunteer in my son's SK class) the class was just driving me crazy. Like completely crazy. It doesn't help that I was getting sick (realizing that now when I look back) and things were just hard. I took that time to say to the teacher "ok, I'm done! I cant' deal with them anymore" and I walked away and went to do something else. I know it's not just me, as others have said the same thing but it was that "flight" sense coming in. I ran from the problem. Instead of dealing with these kids I walked away and didn't bother. It "wasn't worth it".
Yes, we all have things that "aren't worth it". For example, our kid wants to wear the blue sweater instead of the green one. Fine. It's not worth it.
Something I truly believe is "worth it" not matter what happens is my relationship with my husband. He is worth it more than anything.
I was watching a news clip on the computer the other day about how someone said she puts her relationship with her husband before her one with her children. It got such a flack for that comment.
But I agree (sort of). My relationship with God is #1. While I don't spend enough time with Him I know it's my #1 thing in my life. (and I'm working on my time management!) My relationship with my husband is #2. My relationship with my kids #3 and all other things come behind that.
My husband and I need to be that example for my children. That example of how a good, loving, godly relationship needs to work. We may not be the perfect example (in fact I know we aren't) but I feel like we are a good one for our kids and our family. We have seen what works and doesn't work in our own parents relationship and we move on to make ours work better.
A few months ago we had a couple of weeks that we knew things weren't going well. I was having problems; Arnold was having problems and together nothing was working. We had such a hard time.
We ended up stating that needed time apart. Arnold spent more time upstairs and I spent more time in the basement. In our own time, we both realized that this wasn't going to work. As much as living as "roommates" in our own home something wasn't going to work. Something needed to be fixed.
And Fast
Part of me wanted to run home to my parents. I wanted to pack up the kids and run away. (Flight) I was going to get as far away from this as I could. I didn't want to deal with the problem. I had no energy left to deal with what was happening.
The other part of me wanted to stick it out, talk about it and work through this.
Something you have to realize about Arnold is he is *not* a talker at all. He doesn't like talking things out. Talking about things over and over again. Or sometimes, I'm pretty sure of this, listening to me talk it to death and hope it comes back to life again to talk about it some more!
I'm the talker.
As I sat down to do my devotions one of the days during this I realized that it wasn't all these things I thought were hard. It was something Arnold and I had piled on and on and didn't talk about or deal with for such a long time that we had to get *that* out in the open. God showed me just what needed to be talked about, figured out and how to deal with it.
Arnold and I got through it. It took awhile. Almost learning to trust each other again. But we both knew our relationship was a fighting one. Not a running one.
We need to fight for each other. This also means, for us, carving out time to spend together. And really it's not always talking; snuggling on the couch; or making out (mind you those ARE fun :) ) It's more things like working beside each other on the couch; being close; understanding that we both have our differences but we both need to find that time to be together. And this is ours.
We are now back to watching a TV show together. It kind of helps us to connect. We spend 45 minutes together hanging out. Arnold will play on his computer or phone. I check my phone every once and a while and I'll watch a TV show. Currently playing in our house is JAG. Before that was NCIS and NCIS LA.
I'm not fond of Dr. Who (which is Arnold's favourite) so sometimes I'll handle the star trek tv shows we watch.
I guess what I'm rambling about is you need to decide from the beginning of your relationship. Will you "fight" for each other? Or will you get on the first "flight" and get out of there?
Hard
Things are always hard right?
Sometimes we take on too much
Sometimes we have too much time to spend doing/thinking about the "hard" things
And sometimes we just have to deal with it head on.
When I took my Doula classes I learned more about the "fight or flight" reactions we have as humans. When something "hard" happens we can either "fight" the problem or we can "flight" run from it. I knew during our study it was more of an in pain thing but it really works for just about anything.
The other day in class (I volunteer in my son's SK class) the class was just driving me crazy. Like completely crazy. It doesn't help that I was getting sick (realizing that now when I look back) and things were just hard. I took that time to say to the teacher "ok, I'm done! I cant' deal with them anymore" and I walked away and went to do something else. I know it's not just me, as others have said the same thing but it was that "flight" sense coming in. I ran from the problem. Instead of dealing with these kids I walked away and didn't bother. It "wasn't worth it".
Yes, we all have things that "aren't worth it". For example, our kid wants to wear the blue sweater instead of the green one. Fine. It's not worth it.
Something I truly believe is "worth it" not matter what happens is my relationship with my husband. He is worth it more than anything.
I was watching a news clip on the computer the other day about how someone said she puts her relationship with her husband before her one with her children. It got such a flack for that comment.
But I agree (sort of). My relationship with God is #1. While I don't spend enough time with Him I know it's my #1 thing in my life. (and I'm working on my time management!) My relationship with my husband is #2. My relationship with my kids #3 and all other things come behind that.
My husband and I need to be that example for my children. That example of how a good, loving, godly relationship needs to work. We may not be the perfect example (in fact I know we aren't) but I feel like we are a good one for our kids and our family. We have seen what works and doesn't work in our own parents relationship and we move on to make ours work better.
A few months ago we had a couple of weeks that we knew things weren't going well. I was having problems; Arnold was having problems and together nothing was working. We had such a hard time.
We ended up stating that needed time apart. Arnold spent more time upstairs and I spent more time in the basement. In our own time, we both realized that this wasn't going to work. As much as living as "roommates" in our own home something wasn't going to work. Something needed to be fixed.
And Fast
Part of me wanted to run home to my parents. I wanted to pack up the kids and run away. (Flight) I was going to get as far away from this as I could. I didn't want to deal with the problem. I had no energy left to deal with what was happening.
The other part of me wanted to stick it out, talk about it and work through this.
Something you have to realize about Arnold is he is *not* a talker at all. He doesn't like talking things out. Talking about things over and over again. Or sometimes, I'm pretty sure of this, listening to me talk it to death and hope it comes back to life again to talk about it some more!
I'm the talker.
As I sat down to do my devotions one of the days during this I realized that it wasn't all these things I thought were hard. It was something Arnold and I had piled on and on and didn't talk about or deal with for such a long time that we had to get *that* out in the open. God showed me just what needed to be talked about, figured out and how to deal with it.
Arnold and I got through it. It took awhile. Almost learning to trust each other again. But we both knew our relationship was a fighting one. Not a running one.
We need to fight for each other. This also means, for us, carving out time to spend together. And really it's not always talking; snuggling on the couch; or making out (mind you those ARE fun :) ) It's more things like working beside each other on the couch; being close; understanding that we both have our differences but we both need to find that time to be together. And this is ours.
We are now back to watching a TV show together. It kind of helps us to connect. We spend 45 minutes together hanging out. Arnold will play on his computer or phone. I check my phone every once and a while and I'll watch a TV show. Currently playing in our house is JAG. Before that was NCIS and NCIS LA.
I'm not fond of Dr. Who (which is Arnold's favourite) so sometimes I'll handle the star trek tv shows we watch.
I guess what I'm rambling about is you need to decide from the beginning of your relationship. Will you "fight" for each other? Or will you get on the first "flight" and get out of there?
Monday, June 3, 2013
Marriage Monday ~ Encouragement only please!
AKA Don't Dis Your Dude!
Do you remember when the big Christian movie came out? It was called "Fireproof". Everyone was all behind their challenge to "fireproof" your marriage. It was a wonderful movie and what an incredible back story. Working on your marriage every day for 30 days. Seeing what God can do in just 30 days of loving your spouse.
Well I decided to do the challenge. At that point in our marriage things weren't shaky but they weren't as good as they are now. I was so excited about this challenge until I read the first day:
Don't put down your spouse.
I thought, dang, that's so easy! Who would have thought that *this* would be hard? I mean come on, just say nice things right?
Well... that evening we had our C&C group over from church. And it's not that we "bad talk" our friends but sometime when we play games we get a little edgy. I had to bite my tongue so hard to not say anything bad about Arnold. I couldn't think of good things. It was horrible.
I wrote some examples in my journal for that time. They were things that bothered me from the night where I had to be careful to not say anything mean to him.
Things have improved a lot in the past 4 years (this was 2009 we did this). We have learned to communicate. I know how to explain how I'm feeling without putting him down in the process. I've learned to leave things in the past and not use them as "amo" for the next fight. And most of all I've learned that God can help me do these things.
So readers :) When you are talking to your hubby try to use encouraging phrases for them. I find that a bit of encouragement goes far. VERY far!
Do you remember when the big Christian movie came out? It was called "Fireproof". Everyone was all behind their challenge to "fireproof" your marriage. It was a wonderful movie and what an incredible back story. Working on your marriage every day for 30 days. Seeing what God can do in just 30 days of loving your spouse.
Well I decided to do the challenge. At that point in our marriage things weren't shaky but they weren't as good as they are now. I was so excited about this challenge until I read the first day:
Don't put down your spouse.
"Love Dare Day #1
Today's Dare:
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day, resolve to demonstrated patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you will regret.
Did anything happen today to cause anger towards your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?"
I thought, dang, that's so easy! Who would have thought that *this* would be hard? I mean come on, just say nice things right?
Well... that evening we had our C&C group over from church. And it's not that we "bad talk" our friends but sometime when we play games we get a little edgy. I had to bite my tongue so hard to not say anything bad about Arnold. I couldn't think of good things. It was horrible.
I wrote some examples in my journal for that time. They were things that bothered me from the night where I had to be careful to not say anything mean to him.
As you can see they weren't really bad examples but it got me worried. If it was so hard to hold my tongue for the 3 hours our friends were over does that mean that it's hard for me on a daily basis?
The C&C group had finished watching a movie and were going to play a game. I started looking around for my diet coke and I asked DH if he knew where it was and he said I finished it. I said ok! He goes did you want your THIRD? With this tone. I said nope I'm just fine. He goes Good! Everyone was like... woooh. Normally we 'get snarky' or something but not today. It was kinda weird.
Another example was that the boys were in bed and I was getting worried he was coughing so much. I asked Arnold to go and check on him and he said no. I bit my tongue and then about 10 minutes later a few the other people asked if he was ok. Arnold finally went to check on him. It really bothered me that he didn't do it when I asked.
Things have improved a lot in the past 4 years (this was 2009 we did this). We have learned to communicate. I know how to explain how I'm feeling without putting him down in the process. I've learned to leave things in the past and not use them as "amo" for the next fight. And most of all I've learned that God can help me do these things.
So readers :) When you are talking to your hubby try to use encouraging phrases for them. I find that a bit of encouragement goes far. VERY far!
Monday, May 27, 2013
Marriage Monday ~ Money, Part 2
Finally! A Marriage Monday post that hasn't been forgotten, photo cop-out post or one of those things. I'm ready to get back into this if I can.
Last month we talked about our first Marriage Monday Money post. It was a super duper quick back story on why we are using the Dave Ramsey plan and what we are doing.
This month, as promised, I'm going to write about our grocery budget, and how we make that work for US. While this plan may or may not work for you I'm hoping it gives you an idea of someone else does it.
I've written about this before... way back when. It was a post called "Menu Planning" I wrote all about how I menu plan for our family. Since then things have been adjusted but the main idea is still the same thing. PLANNING!
That's right. Planning. You have to plan.
I've started doing these devotionals by Dave Ramsey on my "Youverson" Bible App. The second day has this paragraph about planning:
"Jesus taught a similar lesson when He talked about discipleship in Luke 14:28-30. He said no one building a tower would move forward on construction without sitting down to "count the cost". After all, quitting halfway because the resources dried up would make the builder a laughingstock. The foundation for his tower would become a monument to his incompetence."
While I don't feel like Dave is saying "only try once and if you fail you suck" more of a "keep trying, budgeting, and PLANNING so you don't fail" While setbacks happen, and he knows it, we have to keep trying, over and over and over again!
We plan our grocery budget out a lot. When I was writing the menu planning post (3 years ago) our budget was around $200.00 per 2 weeks. I did 15 days at a time. So around $400.00 to $450.00 a month for me.
Since then our family has changed. We now have 3 adults living in the house. We are trying to eat healthier (which sometimes means more money) and we are generally careful with what we have to get.
Not only do we have 3 adults in our house but 2 little boys who eat almost more than their daddy (depending on the day and the meal). Things got a little more expensive.
I now grocery shop almost the same way. The flyers are still a great help, and I love knowing sales and not. I do keep an eye out for our staples (ie, nutragrain bars, cereal, prepackaged rice crispy squares, pasta, sauces, soups, anything pantry wise). If those are on sale we grab them right away. A great example is today. We went grocery shopping and spent about $160.00 for 1 week. *I should say our budget for foods is $185.00 per 7 days/week* While we were shopping we picked up 2 boxes of KD; 4 boxes of prepackaged rice crispy squares; 2 boxes of cereals; 2 cans of "sloppy joe mix"; 4 cans of soup; 2 jars of seasoning (we need 1 this week and they were a good sale); and 2 freezer garlic breads that were on sale. Everything was at least 50 cents to 4 dollars off what they normally are.
This is the reason our budget is higher. We have made "wiggle room" for items we want to buy at a later/earlier date. It helps us a lot.
I spend some time planning out my meals. While I'm not as "fun new meals" in our house, I do try new things. And of those things I do try I attempt to make most of them with things I currently have in my house, not things I have to go and spend lots and lots of money on!
I plan out my meals for 1 to 2 weeks. We have now made "days" in our house. Days that certain items are served in/on. For example. Tuesdays are "taco Tuesdays" we have chicken tacos, beef tacos, wraps, taco lasagna, ect. Wednesdays are "Waffle Wednesdays". I make waffles in the morning and I have them at lunch as well. I do make a few extra and put them in the freezer for the weekends when the boys want a waffle and I'm not up to make them. The take them out of the freezer, toss them in the toaster and we are good to go!. Thursdays, I try, most of the time, to do a Crockpot meal or something super simple as Thursdays are our most busy day. Fridays are "Burger Friday". We have quino(sp) burgers, chicken burgers, beef burgers, veggie burgers, homemade burgers, ect. Anything we can think of. We keep trying to come up with something new to make it work!
When I'm choosing the meals I try to get some input. Today was the best. I asked everyone on the way home what they would like to have for dinners this week. I got a response from Jack of "do you have any meals that have leftovers?" Which made me suddenly realized the past few weeks our freezer meals for the guys have gone down to nothing!!! So that's the plan this week.
Our week looks like this:
Sunday: Sloppy Joes tonight (way to use up the buns left over from Fridays burger night)
Monday: Chicken pot pie (to get leftovers for the guys)
Tuesday: Beef Taco Wraps
Wednesday: Ramen Noodles with veggies (Kyler wanted noodles and I wanted asparagus)
Thursday: Pork and Hashbrown skillet (something super easy)
Friday: Chicken burgers
Saturday: Perogies and Bacon
When I made up the meals, taking into consideration what everyone wanted/needed, we ended up with this.
Our grocery list was a bit different. I didn't have time to flyer shop (I swear I normally do) so we went to my "trusted store" and got everything. Then to M&M's to get the last few things which I know are cheaper and taste better there, and one last stop at Walmart (while doing something else there) to get some hashbrowns because for some reason our grocery store doesn't sell the small cut hashbrowns.
When we got all of our groceries anything that needed to be packaged up or put away was done as soon as we got in the door. If it's something to make it last longer we do it. For example, our asparagus was so "woody and dry" at the bottom I cut some off and placed it in a dish of water in the fridge. We will rinse any fruit we can and get things ready to be eaten right away.
We do our best to make sure our groceries are bought when we will use them, and only how much we will use.
When I was doing my past Menu Planning post I found that most of our food was put in the compost or out in the garbage. We just weren't using it up like we should have. We still have that problem with a few things, but generally with only buying what we need and when we need it, this helps a lot. Once a week grocery shopping has made this easier and better for us to only purchase what we need.
I've also found it good for our marriage. When we were pregnant with Otis I had Arnold start grocery shopping with me. For me, it was hard to push the cart so Arnold came to do the heavy lifting and keep me grounded while doing this. Now it's just something we "like" to do together. I'm pretty sure I enjoy it more but that's how it works!
I like having Arnold with me. We talk about what foods we are eating, how much things cost and where our money is going, how our weeks were, any plans we have for the rest of the week. And we have been so blessed to have Jack home most Sundays. He will watch the kids, once they have been fed and we can go out alone. If not we use that time as a "teaching moment" for the kids to understand costs of things, where items are found, how things are spelled, brand vs non brand foods, how to unload the cart, how to load the grocery bags, and using their manners when talking with adults.
It's been a good experience.
At the end of June I'm going to write about our budget and how it works for US. Please remember this is not the be all and end all on these topic I cover. I'm writing this to share with you how it works for our family and for our needs. Not every family and every needs will be the same.
Last month we talked about our first Marriage Monday Money post. It was a super duper quick back story on why we are using the Dave Ramsey plan and what we are doing.
This month, as promised, I'm going to write about our grocery budget, and how we make that work for US. While this plan may or may not work for you I'm hoping it gives you an idea of someone else does it.
I've written about this before... way back when. It was a post called "Menu Planning" I wrote all about how I menu plan for our family. Since then things have been adjusted but the main idea is still the same thing. PLANNING!
That's right. Planning. You have to plan.
I've started doing these devotionals by Dave Ramsey on my "Youverson" Bible App. The second day has this paragraph about planning:
"Jesus taught a similar lesson when He talked about discipleship in Luke 14:28-30. He said no one building a tower would move forward on construction without sitting down to "count the cost". After all, quitting halfway because the resources dried up would make the builder a laughingstock. The foundation for his tower would become a monument to his incompetence."
While I don't feel like Dave is saying "only try once and if you fail you suck" more of a "keep trying, budgeting, and PLANNING so you don't fail" While setbacks happen, and he knows it, we have to keep trying, over and over and over again!
We plan our grocery budget out a lot. When I was writing the menu planning post (3 years ago) our budget was around $200.00 per 2 weeks. I did 15 days at a time. So around $400.00 to $450.00 a month for me.
Since then our family has changed. We now have 3 adults living in the house. We are trying to eat healthier (which sometimes means more money) and we are generally careful with what we have to get.
Not only do we have 3 adults in our house but 2 little boys who eat almost more than their daddy (depending on the day and the meal). Things got a little more expensive.
I now grocery shop almost the same way. The flyers are still a great help, and I love knowing sales and not. I do keep an eye out for our staples (ie, nutragrain bars, cereal, prepackaged rice crispy squares, pasta, sauces, soups, anything pantry wise). If those are on sale we grab them right away. A great example is today. We went grocery shopping and spent about $160.00 for 1 week. *I should say our budget for foods is $185.00 per 7 days/week* While we were shopping we picked up 2 boxes of KD; 4 boxes of prepackaged rice crispy squares; 2 boxes of cereals; 2 cans of "sloppy joe mix"; 4 cans of soup; 2 jars of seasoning (we need 1 this week and they were a good sale); and 2 freezer garlic breads that were on sale. Everything was at least 50 cents to 4 dollars off what they normally are.
This is the reason our budget is higher. We have made "wiggle room" for items we want to buy at a later/earlier date. It helps us a lot.
I spend some time planning out my meals. While I'm not as "fun new meals" in our house, I do try new things. And of those things I do try I attempt to make most of them with things I currently have in my house, not things I have to go and spend lots and lots of money on!
I plan out my meals for 1 to 2 weeks. We have now made "days" in our house. Days that certain items are served in/on. For example. Tuesdays are "taco Tuesdays" we have chicken tacos, beef tacos, wraps, taco lasagna, ect. Wednesdays are "Waffle Wednesdays". I make waffles in the morning and I have them at lunch as well. I do make a few extra and put them in the freezer for the weekends when the boys want a waffle and I'm not up to make them. The take them out of the freezer, toss them in the toaster and we are good to go!. Thursdays, I try, most of the time, to do a Crockpot meal or something super simple as Thursdays are our most busy day. Fridays are "Burger Friday". We have quino(sp) burgers, chicken burgers, beef burgers, veggie burgers, homemade burgers, ect. Anything we can think of. We keep trying to come up with something new to make it work!
When I'm choosing the meals I try to get some input. Today was the best. I asked everyone on the way home what they would like to have for dinners this week. I got a response from Jack of "do you have any meals that have leftovers?" Which made me suddenly realized the past few weeks our freezer meals for the guys have gone down to nothing!!! So that's the plan this week.
Our week looks like this:
Sunday: Sloppy Joes tonight (way to use up the buns left over from Fridays burger night)
Monday: Chicken pot pie (to get leftovers for the guys)
Tuesday: Beef Taco Wraps
Wednesday: Ramen Noodles with veggies (Kyler wanted noodles and I wanted asparagus)
Thursday: Pork and Hashbrown skillet (something super easy)
Friday: Chicken burgers
Saturday: Perogies and Bacon
When I made up the meals, taking into consideration what everyone wanted/needed, we ended up with this.
Our grocery list was a bit different. I didn't have time to flyer shop (I swear I normally do) so we went to my "trusted store" and got everything. Then to M&M's to get the last few things which I know are cheaper and taste better there, and one last stop at Walmart (while doing something else there) to get some hashbrowns because for some reason our grocery store doesn't sell the small cut hashbrowns.
When we got all of our groceries anything that needed to be packaged up or put away was done as soon as we got in the door. If it's something to make it last longer we do it. For example, our asparagus was so "woody and dry" at the bottom I cut some off and placed it in a dish of water in the fridge. We will rinse any fruit we can and get things ready to be eaten right away.
We do our best to make sure our groceries are bought when we will use them, and only how much we will use.
When I was doing my past Menu Planning post I found that most of our food was put in the compost or out in the garbage. We just weren't using it up like we should have. We still have that problem with a few things, but generally with only buying what we need and when we need it, this helps a lot. Once a week grocery shopping has made this easier and better for us to only purchase what we need.
I've also found it good for our marriage. When we were pregnant with Otis I had Arnold start grocery shopping with me. For me, it was hard to push the cart so Arnold came to do the heavy lifting and keep me grounded while doing this. Now it's just something we "like" to do together. I'm pretty sure I enjoy it more but that's how it works!
I like having Arnold with me. We talk about what foods we are eating, how much things cost and where our money is going, how our weeks were, any plans we have for the rest of the week. And we have been so blessed to have Jack home most Sundays. He will watch the kids, once they have been fed and we can go out alone. If not we use that time as a "teaching moment" for the kids to understand costs of things, where items are found, how things are spelled, brand vs non brand foods, how to unload the cart, how to load the grocery bags, and using their manners when talking with adults.
It's been a good experience.
At the end of June I'm going to write about our budget and how it works for US. Please remember this is not the be all and end all on these topic I cover. I'm writing this to share with you how it works for our family and for our needs. Not every family and every needs will be the same.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Marriage Monday ~ Happy Mother's Day (copout)
Hey there!
Yep, It was Mother's Day YESTERDAY. But I'm using that as my excuse for not having my "Marriage Monday" done this week. Instead you get to see two of my 4 babies. These two are incredible. I love them so much. They are what make me a mother. Which I have been for 8 years now. Wow... 8 years!
Anyway... Happy (late) Mother's Day. I hope you had a great one. And if not, that's ok. Remember "Mother's Day" isn't just one day a year, it's every time that child looks into your face and you see that look of love.
PS... for those who aren't moms, chose not to be moms, or have no choice and aren't moms please know my heart is with you. I understand the heartache of no children, losing children, and wanting them. You are the best "mothers" to other children in the world. My son's godmother (Otis's Godmother Jessie) can't have children right now and she is the coolest Auntie ever!
Yep, It was Mother's Day YESTERDAY. But I'm using that as my excuse for not having my "Marriage Monday" done this week. Instead you get to see two of my 4 babies. These two are incredible. I love them so much. They are what make me a mother. Which I have been for 8 years now. Wow... 8 years!
Anyway... Happy (late) Mother's Day. I hope you had a great one. And if not, that's ok. Remember "Mother's Day" isn't just one day a year, it's every time that child looks into your face and you see that look of love.
PS... for those who aren't moms, chose not to be moms, or have no choice and aren't moms please know my heart is with you. I understand the heartache of no children, losing children, and wanting them. You are the best "mothers" to other children in the world. My son's godmother (Otis's Godmother Jessie) can't have children right now and she is the coolest Auntie ever!
Monday, May 6, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Being the "Mom"
Having a marriage is a lot of give and take. We know that. Heck any relationship is a lot of give and take.
This past weekend we have had a lot of give and take. I went to a concert that hubby loved, for him. I would have been completely fine staying home, or going to our church to watch the leafs play on the big screen. But nope, I was in the car heading to a church that was showing a TobyMac concert. Don't get me wrong, I like TobyMac. He isn't my favourite artist but he is a good one. And finally at the end of his concert he played my favourite song of his. So that helped.
Then last night... we had a bit more of the "taking" on my part. I NEEDED sleep! So I took it. Kyler came downstairs complaining of a tummy ache. Arnold took care of him. First tums, then a little while later, cleaning up when Kyler threw up.
Today I'm doing the "giving" part. As is Arnold. It's never a "give and take" at the same time, at least not normally for us.
Today I'm giving to my family. I'm giving of my time, and I'm giving of the fact that I *hate* completely, undoubtly(sp), HATE cleaning up puke. I'm just not "that" kind of mom.
My mom can do it, no problem.
There was one night I remember calling my mommy at 6am. We had been up all night with the boys both throwing up and there was no food in our house, nothing for us, we had been at the hospital for 3-4 hours and I just needed my mama. She came, with daddy, and they cleaned, brought food and helped to take care of the children throwing up so Arnold and I could get some sleep. Then, they left, just as easily as they had come, and we were well rested and our children were on the mend and our house was clean!
Anyway.. so I'm not that kind of mom. I don't do throw up, large amounts of blood or spiders very well.
Today I'm giving of myself, and my time, and biting my tongue while I take care of my little guy who is sick. It's a struggle as today is one of those "filled up with things to do" days but we are making it work.
Arnold is "giving" today as he goes to the airport after work and picks up complete strangers. Their daughter needs surgery at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto. They are flying in from the USA and we are giving them a lift to help with the costs and to get them there comfortably. I "know" them through a friend on a Bible Study group on Facebook. I'm always surprised how things work out.
Sorry, today I'm so all over the place I'm positive this post doesn't make any sense!
But here it is. Sometimes you have to use your "Give and take" with your husband (another post on that later) and sometime it's just a part of being a mom/dad.
This past weekend we have had a lot of give and take. I went to a concert that hubby loved, for him. I would have been completely fine staying home, or going to our church to watch the leafs play on the big screen. But nope, I was in the car heading to a church that was showing a TobyMac concert. Don't get me wrong, I like TobyMac. He isn't my favourite artist but he is a good one. And finally at the end of his concert he played my favourite song of his. So that helped.
Then last night... we had a bit more of the "taking" on my part. I NEEDED sleep! So I took it. Kyler came downstairs complaining of a tummy ache. Arnold took care of him. First tums, then a little while later, cleaning up when Kyler threw up.
Today I'm doing the "giving" part. As is Arnold. It's never a "give and take" at the same time, at least not normally for us.
Today I'm giving to my family. I'm giving of my time, and I'm giving of the fact that I *hate* completely, undoubtly(sp), HATE cleaning up puke. I'm just not "that" kind of mom.
My mom can do it, no problem.
There was one night I remember calling my mommy at 6am. We had been up all night with the boys both throwing up and there was no food in our house, nothing for us, we had been at the hospital for 3-4 hours and I just needed my mama. She came, with daddy, and they cleaned, brought food and helped to take care of the children throwing up so Arnold and I could get some sleep. Then, they left, just as easily as they had come, and we were well rested and our children were on the mend and our house was clean!
Anyway.. so I'm not that kind of mom. I don't do throw up, large amounts of blood or spiders very well.
Today I'm giving of myself, and my time, and biting my tongue while I take care of my little guy who is sick. It's a struggle as today is one of those "filled up with things to do" days but we are making it work.
Arnold is "giving" today as he goes to the airport after work and picks up complete strangers. Their daughter needs surgery at Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto. They are flying in from the USA and we are giving them a lift to help with the costs and to get them there comfortably. I "know" them through a friend on a Bible Study group on Facebook. I'm always surprised how things work out.
Sorry, today I'm so all over the place I'm positive this post doesn't make any sense!
But here it is. Sometimes you have to use your "Give and take" with your husband (another post on that later) and sometime it's just a part of being a mom/dad.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Money
The dreaded "M" word. It's that one word that no one wants to have anything to do with. Everyone wants LOTS of it and no one wants to know where it goes, and how it gets there.
I've talked about this before. I've talked about our version of the Dave Ramsey Program. How much we love doing this and seeing our credit cards go down and slowly our savings to go up!
This past year has really shown us what we need to have. When we lost our baby things started to pile up. Costs that we weren't ready for, and never should have to think about while expecting a baby, let alone your own children babies or not. And slowly our Emergency Fund started to sink lower and lower.
We are so blessed to have family who loves us and cares for us in every way we can and have helped to pay for different parts of the funeral until we could. It has been such a blessing.
Now we are back on our feet. Our debts have been paid off and paid back and slowly we are getting there. Slowly we are seeing the light.
Which brings me to why I'm posting about Money in my Marriage Mondays posts.
I've been thinking a lot about how some people have *no* idea where their money is going, where it has come from and what is going to happen to it. Some people just don't have a clue to what is happening in their own family.
When my dad was diagnosed with cancer my mom had a "field trip" to the basement to go through all the important papers they have. All their taxes, files, etc.. So much stuff to go through and learn. And that was about the point that Arnold and I chose to make sure we were BOTH in our on money. And it has become part of our marriage.
When we were first married we had little to no money. Isn't that always how it works? Eventually we gained some more, lost LOTS more and slowly got ourselves on our feet. We had bank accounts in 3 different banks. It was crazy. And just before we had gotten married I made the stupidest choice I have *ever* made. I got a department store credit card. I thought, hey why not? It will help our credit.
It took FOREVER to pay off. Like so much time. Even now I'm never comfortable going to stores that ask me if I want their credit card. Most of the time I follow it up with things like "no thank you I'm trying to pay off all of mine" or " are you crazy? I don't have that kind of extra cash laying around to pay the interest rate you want!". Generally people leave me alone after that.
Any who.. back to the point of writing this. I'm hoping to do something called "Marriage Mondays Money Posts" on the last Monday of the month. Just something about how our budgeting works for us. not for everyone else mind you. We each need to find something that works for us and go with it. I read a lot about money and what people say to earn more, keep more when doing taxes and how to save that "$6000.00" a year with simple changes. But it always leads me back to just being careful with my own money.
So first things first. Dave Ramsey teaches us to get right with your 4 walls. Make sure you can live within your means. It's different for everyone. We pay a lot in rent. When most people find out how much we pay they are always shocked and ask why we don't buy our own house right now! And generally speaking, we would/could but we don't have the credit or the down payment needed. And to be honest, I don't want one yet. I'm not ready to commit to a place. For example... From the time Arnold and I got married we moved 7 times. It gets to the point that when I do my spring cleaning the boys ask if we are moving again. They are just so used to it. While we love our neighbourhood and we wouldn't want to move I'm not ready to commit to staying here.
For us (again different for everyone) our 4 walls meant having enough money to pay for food (I'll get into that later), to pay for rent, and to pay for hydro/gas/water/electric. Everything above and beyond that is "extras" that get put into your budget later.
So we have to make sure we can afford all those. While it's not a lot to think about at first. When Arnolds pay cheque comes in (as we are a 1.25 income family right now) we have to think about where our money is going and what we are/can do about it.
I was talking to a friend who has started looking at her money as a family. She can't understand where the money goes and how 1 pay cheque has to get them through the whole month! I asked her what happen to the first pay? I was told it's their "Rent" money. Well... then I got it. For a LONG time we did the same thing. We paid our whole rent cheque out of our first pay of the month. It was almost impossible for US to get that to work. Slowly I realized if I saved part of the pay it wasn't so hard.
Now we work like this:
about $400 - $500.00 of our rent comes from pay #1. It gets set aside into an account and we add it all up later in the month.
The rest of our pay comes out of our second cheque so that we aren't scrounging to make it for a whole month on one pay.
Next time I'm going to talk about our grocery budget and how we make that work for US! This may not work for you but it's what works for our family. Hopefully, if nothing else, it gives you an idea of how we do it.
I've talked about this before. I've talked about our version of the Dave Ramsey Program. How much we love doing this and seeing our credit cards go down and slowly our savings to go up!
This past year has really shown us what we need to have. When we lost our baby things started to pile up. Costs that we weren't ready for, and never should have to think about while expecting a baby, let alone your own children babies or not. And slowly our Emergency Fund started to sink lower and lower.
We are so blessed to have family who loves us and cares for us in every way we can and have helped to pay for different parts of the funeral until we could. It has been such a blessing.
Now we are back on our feet. Our debts have been paid off and paid back and slowly we are getting there. Slowly we are seeing the light.
Which brings me to why I'm posting about Money in my Marriage Mondays posts.
I've been thinking a lot about how some people have *no* idea where their money is going, where it has come from and what is going to happen to it. Some people just don't have a clue to what is happening in their own family.
When my dad was diagnosed with cancer my mom had a "field trip" to the basement to go through all the important papers they have. All their taxes, files, etc.. So much stuff to go through and learn. And that was about the point that Arnold and I chose to make sure we were BOTH in our on money. And it has become part of our marriage.
When we were first married we had little to no money. Isn't that always how it works? Eventually we gained some more, lost LOTS more and slowly got ourselves on our feet. We had bank accounts in 3 different banks. It was crazy. And just before we had gotten married I made the stupidest choice I have *ever* made. I got a department store credit card. I thought, hey why not? It will help our credit.
It took FOREVER to pay off. Like so much time. Even now I'm never comfortable going to stores that ask me if I want their credit card. Most of the time I follow it up with things like "no thank you I'm trying to pay off all of mine" or " are you crazy? I don't have that kind of extra cash laying around to pay the interest rate you want!". Generally people leave me alone after that.
Any who.. back to the point of writing this. I'm hoping to do something called "Marriage Mondays Money Posts" on the last Monday of the month. Just something about how our budgeting works for us. not for everyone else mind you. We each need to find something that works for us and go with it. I read a lot about money and what people say to earn more, keep more when doing taxes and how to save that "$6000.00" a year with simple changes. But it always leads me back to just being careful with my own money.
So first things first. Dave Ramsey teaches us to get right with your 4 walls. Make sure you can live within your means. It's different for everyone. We pay a lot in rent. When most people find out how much we pay they are always shocked and ask why we don't buy our own house right now! And generally speaking, we would/could but we don't have the credit or the down payment needed. And to be honest, I don't want one yet. I'm not ready to commit to a place. For example... From the time Arnold and I got married we moved 7 times. It gets to the point that when I do my spring cleaning the boys ask if we are moving again. They are just so used to it. While we love our neighbourhood and we wouldn't want to move I'm not ready to commit to staying here.
For us (again different for everyone) our 4 walls meant having enough money to pay for food (I'll get into that later), to pay for rent, and to pay for hydro/gas/water/electric. Everything above and beyond that is "extras" that get put into your budget later.
So we have to make sure we can afford all those. While it's not a lot to think about at first. When Arnolds pay cheque comes in (as we are a 1.25 income family right now) we have to think about where our money is going and what we are/can do about it.
I was talking to a friend who has started looking at her money as a family. She can't understand where the money goes and how 1 pay cheque has to get them through the whole month! I asked her what happen to the first pay? I was told it's their "Rent" money. Well... then I got it. For a LONG time we did the same thing. We paid our whole rent cheque out of our first pay of the month. It was almost impossible for US to get that to work. Slowly I realized if I saved part of the pay it wasn't so hard.
Now we work like this:
about $400 - $500.00 of our rent comes from pay #1. It gets set aside into an account and we add it all up later in the month.
The rest of our pay comes out of our second cheque so that we aren't scrounging to make it for a whole month on one pay.
Next time I'm going to talk about our grocery budget and how we make that work for US! This may not work for you but it's what works for our family. Hopefully, if nothing else, it gives you an idea of how we do it.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Dress to Impress
I know this one is going to get me into ALOT of trouble but here it is anyway.
I try to do things for my husband to make him happy, excited, and want to be with me. Not that he doesn't *want* to be with me... see this is already getting me in trouble!
Last year after we lost Otis I said I needed to figure out who the heck I am! This includes losing weight, trying out new things, and part of it is not dressing "like a mom".
When Arnold and I met we were in university. We lived across the hall from each other. And while I didn't totally care what I was wearing (but mind you I only packed my "good" clothes) I was careful what I wore.
When I got sick I was ok handling people, including Arnold, see me in PJ pants and a t-shirt. In fact that how I spent most of my second year... in PJ pants and t-shirts. Not because I was sick but because I just didn't care anymore.
Slowly I began to realize I can't live in my pj's so I started to find something that worked for me. But being plus size and being in university, clothes weren't always the top thing for me to afford. Shirts were a lot of money, unless you got them at Walmart, and pants were always way more. I still remember buying my first "performance" shirt to do a duet with my friend Lyle. It was this blue shirt with sliver glitter lines in it. So wonderful. I *just* tossed it in the donation pile last month. It was about $60.00 and I was so worried about wearing it too much to ruin it.
Now I'm still figuring it out. I'm currently in jeans and a t-shirt writing this out. I've begun adding new things to my wardrobe that my husband likes, or encourages. Some things I'm not fond of. Others I'll "try" and still others I love more than anything. I've found in the past 5 months I have spent more on clothes than I ever have before. And I'm ok with that. I'm beginning to wear things that are less "mommy" and more "adult" ish.
Back to my dress to impress title. Dress the way your husband enjoys, if you can. I'm not saying if you are a plus size woman and your hubby like skin tight clothes you should wear that. I'm saying dress how you are comfortable, dress how you look good, and remember that your husband likes how you look. I was once told to dress and look good when your husband gets home from work. Remind him what a wonderful person you are so he keeps coming home to you.
My husband loves to have me dress with necklaces and earrings. Small change but something he loves. And I love to impress him!
I try to do things for my husband to make him happy, excited, and want to be with me. Not that he doesn't *want* to be with me... see this is already getting me in trouble!
Last year after we lost Otis I said I needed to figure out who the heck I am! This includes losing weight, trying out new things, and part of it is not dressing "like a mom".
When Arnold and I met we were in university. We lived across the hall from each other. And while I didn't totally care what I was wearing (but mind you I only packed my "good" clothes) I was careful what I wore.
When I got sick I was ok handling people, including Arnold, see me in PJ pants and a t-shirt. In fact that how I spent most of my second year... in PJ pants and t-shirts. Not because I was sick but because I just didn't care anymore.
Slowly I began to realize I can't live in my pj's so I started to find something that worked for me. But being plus size and being in university, clothes weren't always the top thing for me to afford. Shirts were a lot of money, unless you got them at Walmart, and pants were always way more. I still remember buying my first "performance" shirt to do a duet with my friend Lyle. It was this blue shirt with sliver glitter lines in it. So wonderful. I *just* tossed it in the donation pile last month. It was about $60.00 and I was so worried about wearing it too much to ruin it.
Now I'm still figuring it out. I'm currently in jeans and a t-shirt writing this out. I've begun adding new things to my wardrobe that my husband likes, or encourages. Some things I'm not fond of. Others I'll "try" and still others I love more than anything. I've found in the past 5 months I have spent more on clothes than I ever have before. And I'm ok with that. I'm beginning to wear things that are less "mommy" and more "adult" ish.
Back to my dress to impress title. Dress the way your husband enjoys, if you can. I'm not saying if you are a plus size woman and your hubby like skin tight clothes you should wear that. I'm saying dress how you are comfortable, dress how you look good, and remember that your husband likes how you look. I was once told to dress and look good when your husband gets home from work. Remind him what a wonderful person you are so he keeps coming home to you.
My husband loves to have me dress with necklaces and earrings. Small change but something he loves. And I love to impress him!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Appreciating a Good Dad/Spouse
I've tried, not too hard, but kept in mind, that not everyone reading this has kids. They are a "touchy subject" in our house sometimes but still my children have ALOT to do with our marriage and how we live and how we treat each other.
For example, this past week between our kids therapy appointments, swimming lessons, school, class trip, birthdays, get togethers, and everything else that's part of a "normal" week for Arnold and I, I didn't get a chance to make my Marriage Monday post beforehand.
Bad Miranda!
I know...
Still, here I am, just after lunch ready to post away and I couldn't think of a good topic. Nothing was going, "ok, write about this, someone needs to hear/read this". I'm not saying that happens all the time but I can honestly say I have a few "saved" Marriage Monday posts that are my backups and nothing is pushing me to post about those today.
So instead I'll post about appreciating a good Dad/Spouse.
Ever since our weekend away in January, Arnold and I have tried to reconnect more. We spend more time together, we are careful with our relationship and we are more understanding of what each other needs.
This weekend was "my" turn to have my needs met. Starting on Thursday night I had more problems than ever with my cell phone. Arnold spent a few hours backing it up and making it all work better. But it still had issues on Friday so Friday night Arnold stayed up late and factory-reset my phone. He made sure it was working perfectly before giving it back to me.
Arnold was so wonderful to go grocery shopping with me on Friday night. We got everything we wanted to get at the store (minus 2 things we forgot) and he was wonderful about encouraging me to purchase things we wanted to restock but not always need to.
On Friday night I planned a get together with some of the youth girls. Which meant our plans as a family to go to Home Depot and do their craft and some shopping weren't going to happen. This also meant I was taking the car and the boys would be taking the bus. For Arnold, this is no big deal. But with some extra people (ie my kids) it's sometimes harder.
Arnold met my needs by helping out, being so willing to take the boys still and not worry about anything else and just enjoy this time with the boys. During the rest of our Saturday together while friends were here he was attentive, wonderful, helpful with the kids. I love how he interacts with them.
Sunday morning we had some "snuggle time" on the couch. We both ate our breakfasts and visited about what we had planned for the day, how we were both doing and what we were aiming to get done. Then, that afternoon he did some fix it jobs for me.
I may never say this enough, but he really is a wonderful dad/husband.
While the girls and I were out on Saturday I picked up one of those daily calendars. It's a flip one from the movie "Courageous". I always look at that days date, and my birthday to see if it's worth getting!
Saturdays date was this:
It's so true. While I do try to show my husband I appreciate him, it doesn't always happen. But let me tell you, do I appreciate him? HECK YES! And I love him so much more.
For example, this past week between our kids therapy appointments, swimming lessons, school, class trip, birthdays, get togethers, and everything else that's part of a "normal" week for Arnold and I, I didn't get a chance to make my Marriage Monday post beforehand.
Bad Miranda!
I know...
Still, here I am, just after lunch ready to post away and I couldn't think of a good topic. Nothing was going, "ok, write about this, someone needs to hear/read this". I'm not saying that happens all the time but I can honestly say I have a few "saved" Marriage Monday posts that are my backups and nothing is pushing me to post about those today.
So instead I'll post about appreciating a good Dad/Spouse.
Ever since our weekend away in January, Arnold and I have tried to reconnect more. We spend more time together, we are careful with our relationship and we are more understanding of what each other needs.
This weekend was "my" turn to have my needs met. Starting on Thursday night I had more problems than ever with my cell phone. Arnold spent a few hours backing it up and making it all work better. But it still had issues on Friday so Friday night Arnold stayed up late and factory-reset my phone. He made sure it was working perfectly before giving it back to me.
Arnold was so wonderful to go grocery shopping with me on Friday night. We got everything we wanted to get at the store (minus 2 things we forgot) and he was wonderful about encouraging me to purchase things we wanted to restock but not always need to.
On Friday night I planned a get together with some of the youth girls. Which meant our plans as a family to go to Home Depot and do their craft and some shopping weren't going to happen. This also meant I was taking the car and the boys would be taking the bus. For Arnold, this is no big deal. But with some extra people (ie my kids) it's sometimes harder.
Arnold met my needs by helping out, being so willing to take the boys still and not worry about anything else and just enjoy this time with the boys. During the rest of our Saturday together while friends were here he was attentive, wonderful, helpful with the kids. I love how he interacts with them.
Sunday morning we had some "snuggle time" on the couch. We both ate our breakfasts and visited about what we had planned for the day, how we were both doing and what we were aiming to get done. Then, that afternoon he did some fix it jobs for me.
I may never say this enough, but he really is a wonderful dad/husband.
While the girls and I were out on Saturday I picked up one of those daily calendars. It's a flip one from the movie "Courageous". I always look at that days date, and my birthday to see if it's worth getting!
Saturdays date was this:
It's so true. While I do try to show my husband I appreciate him, it doesn't always happen. But let me tell you, do I appreciate him? HECK YES! And I love him so much more.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Spend Time Apart
ha! I know right? These "Marriage Mondays" are to be talking about you and your spouse and how to get closer, have a better marriage and how to grow... TOGETHER.
Well sometimes.. you just need to spend time apart.
In the (almost) 9 years Arnold and I have been married the most we have spent apart from each other, at one time, was last summer when my mom hurt herself and we needed to stay. The little boys and I spent 2 weeks in Sarnia and Arnold spent 2 weeks here in Toronto. It wasn't exactly 2 weeks but pretty darn close.
Before that the most was a week when Arnold took Kyler to Alberta.
During the times Arnold and I have been apart we have talked/texted/emailed almost every day. I love knowing "what's new" in his life, even if we are close! Being apart is hard. I really thrive on knowing what my husband is doing and if everything is ok. I know some of you are reading this and going "yeah right, she just likes checking up on him". It's true. I do. I like knowing what he's doing. But not for the reasons some of you may believe. I love knowing what's going on because if there's a situation I can pray for him, I do.
And I do a lot.
Each year for the past 3 or 4 Arnold and the boys have gone away for a weekend in January. Our church used to rent out a campground for a weekend and have a retreat. They would head out on Friday and I would enjoy the house, all to myself, quiet, and just me, for one weekend. The first few times I would clean like mad. Or scrapbook, or have the girls over for some wine and movie nights, or just enjoy the time alone, quiet, and alone. I would sleep in, order out and enjoy my time alone.
This year was a bit crazy and, while I didn't get time alone, I did get some time with my hubby and me instead.
However... I know what's coming. I'm boiling up and over. I haven't had that weekend to "recharge". I know it's silly but with our situation it just hasn't worked out. I need that weekend to reconnect with myself, reorganize my priorities and just generally enjoy the quiet, and not worry about making too much noise, making sure people are fed and being a "mom".
Please don't get me wrong. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mom and a wife and a sister (since Jack lives here) but sometimes I just need to be alone. For anyone who is a mom, closing the door to the bathroom doesn't always work to shut people out.
Sometimes you just need time apart.
If you are like me take time to schedule it. Take time to make sure you get time apart. It doesn't mean you have to send people away but it gives you time apart. I crave time in my own home. I don't like having a "day off" as some people call it. Mainly because my "days off" are being sent out of my house. Sure I'm getting time off but I'm not in my home. I'm being "nice" to people in public, maybe even having conversations with people I know, spending money (generally) and having to be a bit different that I do in my own home.
If you do have to schedule it and you need to send people away then plan ahead. I can go a few months without having to need time alone. Heck for a while it was once a year. That worked for me. Perfect to recharge and get that alone time. Plan a weekend you know your spouse could go and see their family, or just crash on a buddies couch. Anything. If you have kids try to work it out that they have a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpas house. Anything.
For me... I'm realizing this may need to happen. I may need to send them away for a few days. And while I don't enjoy being apart from my husband and my kids. I may need it more than I realize.
But, for now, the one night I know hubby is gone is the last weekend in April... I may stay up super late and just pretend I don't have kids while they are sleeping! Who knows!
Well sometimes.. you just need to spend time apart.
In the (almost) 9 years Arnold and I have been married the most we have spent apart from each other, at one time, was last summer when my mom hurt herself and we needed to stay. The little boys and I spent 2 weeks in Sarnia and Arnold spent 2 weeks here in Toronto. It wasn't exactly 2 weeks but pretty darn close.
Before that the most was a week when Arnold took Kyler to Alberta.
During the times Arnold and I have been apart we have talked/texted/emailed almost every day. I love knowing "what's new" in his life, even if we are close! Being apart is hard. I really thrive on knowing what my husband is doing and if everything is ok. I know some of you are reading this and going "yeah right, she just likes checking up on him". It's true. I do. I like knowing what he's doing. But not for the reasons some of you may believe. I love knowing what's going on because if there's a situation I can pray for him, I do.
And I do a lot.
Each year for the past 3 or 4 Arnold and the boys have gone away for a weekend in January. Our church used to rent out a campground for a weekend and have a retreat. They would head out on Friday and I would enjoy the house, all to myself, quiet, and just me, for one weekend. The first few times I would clean like mad. Or scrapbook, or have the girls over for some wine and movie nights, or just enjoy the time alone, quiet, and alone. I would sleep in, order out and enjoy my time alone.
This year was a bit crazy and, while I didn't get time alone, I did get some time with my hubby and me instead.
However... I know what's coming. I'm boiling up and over. I haven't had that weekend to "recharge". I know it's silly but with our situation it just hasn't worked out. I need that weekend to reconnect with myself, reorganize my priorities and just generally enjoy the quiet, and not worry about making too much noise, making sure people are fed and being a "mom".
Please don't get me wrong. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mom and a wife and a sister (since Jack lives here) but sometimes I just need to be alone. For anyone who is a mom, closing the door to the bathroom doesn't always work to shut people out.
Sometimes you just need time apart.
If you are like me take time to schedule it. Take time to make sure you get time apart. It doesn't mean you have to send people away but it gives you time apart. I crave time in my own home. I don't like having a "day off" as some people call it. Mainly because my "days off" are being sent out of my house. Sure I'm getting time off but I'm not in my home. I'm being "nice" to people in public, maybe even having conversations with people I know, spending money (generally) and having to be a bit different that I do in my own home.
If you do have to schedule it and you need to send people away then plan ahead. I can go a few months without having to need time alone. Heck for a while it was once a year. That worked for me. Perfect to recharge and get that alone time. Plan a weekend you know your spouse could go and see their family, or just crash on a buddies couch. Anything. If you have kids try to work it out that they have a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpas house. Anything.
For me... I'm realizing this may need to happen. I may need to send them away for a few days. And while I don't enjoy being apart from my husband and my kids. I may need it more than I realize.
But, for now, the one night I know hubby is gone is the last weekend in April... I may stay up super late and just pretend I don't have kids while they are sleeping! Who knows!
Monday, April 1, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Happy Easter!!
Lets just say this past weekend has been CRAZY! I never got a chance to write up my Marriage Monday post. I normally write them up a few days (maybe even a week) in advance and then spend some time praying about it. Sometimes I change them, other times I leave them, and other still, I scrap the whole post. It's just not what needs to be posted at this time.
This weekend was crazy with Easter time. And instead of having time to post things I visited with family, friends, and had some naps! Who doesn't love nap time?
Anyway... Instead of a Marriage Monday post.. you get to see my "bunnies" from this weekend!
This weekend was crazy with Easter time. And instead of having time to post things I visited with family, friends, and had some naps! Who doesn't love nap time?
Anyway... Instead of a Marriage Monday post.. you get to see my "bunnies" from this weekend!
Quinton, Grayson and Kyler
Monday, March 25, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Do Devotions TOGETHER
When Arnold and I went away for our couples weekend it was really for us to reconnect. We just needed to check in with eachother. After everything that our family had been through we wanted a weekend where Arnold and I, away from the kiddos, could chill out and see how eachother were doing.
That's truly what we used the weekend for. While we were there God had different plans for us completely.
One of them, I'm sure Arnold wasn't too impressed with, was buying alot of books!!
When we arrived, because we booked so early, we got their book "Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti". I didn't really read it but we brought it to session. The mores sessions we went to the more I knew I would be enjoying this book right along with them.
When it came to our freetime on Saturday Arnold and I scoped out the book table. I knew what I wanted, give or take a few books, and we got the devotions book (along with alot of other books).
We talked about when to start. Do we wait until after Otis's service? Do we wait until we can start at the beginning of the month? Do we start Monday?
Yes!
We chose to start on the Monday. Knowing the longer we waited the more chance this book had of collecting dust more than anything.
So we started, and went strong for a few weeks. We did our devotions at breakfast. It's really the only meal of the day that we know we will be together. Some days, we knew it was going to be a quick day I would sit in thebathroom and do the reading while Arnold had his morning shower. Or he would read while I was making our waffles for "Waffle Wednesday". We knew we had to get our devotions in. And it worked.
This book gave us 5 days of devotions to do in 7. Which ment for us we did have 2 "spare" days to get caught up if we missed a day.
Well... it happen. We missed a day, or 12. We both realized that we weren't getting our devotions done. We weren't making the time with God and we weren't making our time with eachother and we weren't learning what was ment to be learned in our devotions.
So we got back at it. We have started our devotion time together. You can tell the difference. We can feel the difference. Just in the short time doing them Arnold and I are feeling closer together and more "aware" what we need from eachother. It's a great way to learn about eachother as well. I'm glad we got back at it.
Not only are we closer to eachother, but closer with God. And when Arnold and I are closer to God we are better parents to our boys and a much better family.
Do Devotions together. It could be a short devotions, or something longer. Maybe something you have done before. Just get back on the bandwagon and do those devotions.
That's truly what we used the weekend for. While we were there God had different plans for us completely.
One of them, I'm sure Arnold wasn't too impressed with, was buying alot of books!!
When we arrived, because we booked so early, we got their book "Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti". I didn't really read it but we brought it to session. The mores sessions we went to the more I knew I would be enjoying this book right along with them.
When it came to our freetime on Saturday Arnold and I scoped out the book table. I knew what I wanted, give or take a few books, and we got the devotions book (along with alot of other books).
We talked about when to start. Do we wait until after Otis's service? Do we wait until we can start at the beginning of the month? Do we start Monday?
Yes!
We chose to start on the Monday. Knowing the longer we waited the more chance this book had of collecting dust more than anything.
So we started, and went strong for a few weeks. We did our devotions at breakfast. It's really the only meal of the day that we know we will be together. Some days, we knew it was going to be a quick day I would sit in thebathroom and do the reading while Arnold had his morning shower. Or he would read while I was making our waffles for "Waffle Wednesday". We knew we had to get our devotions in. And it worked.
This book gave us 5 days of devotions to do in 7. Which ment for us we did have 2 "spare" days to get caught up if we missed a day.
Well... it happen. We missed a day, or 12. We both realized that we weren't getting our devotions done. We weren't making the time with God and we weren't making our time with eachother and we weren't learning what was ment to be learned in our devotions.
So we got back at it. We have started our devotion time together. You can tell the difference. We can feel the difference. Just in the short time doing them Arnold and I are feeling closer together and more "aware" what we need from eachother. It's a great way to learn about eachother as well. I'm glad we got back at it.
Not only are we closer to eachother, but closer with God. And when Arnold and I are closer to God we are better parents to our boys and a much better family.
Do Devotions together. It could be a short devotions, or something longer. Maybe something you have done before. Just get back on the bandwagon and do those devotions.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ "Good Relationships Don't Just Happen"
I've been trying to use my own photos for this but when I found this on Pinterest I knew I had to use it for a blog entry. Lets just say it sums it all up:
This is so true. Not just for a married couple but for anyone. Friendships. Siblings. Parent/Child.
I can you tell you about friends of mine. We were best friends when we were kids. Our parents were best friends so when both families had 2 girls it was destine for us to be "best friends". While I may not have always been a best friend to this girl, I would count her as one of my bestest friends right now. If there was something really driving me crazy she would be someone I would text/call/facebook. It's not something that happens alot but knowing that relationship is there is so comforting.
Then there's my siblings... oh man! My brother lives with us (in case anyone didn't know yet) and while he may be in the other room it does take time to have a relationship with him. It may seem like an older sister being a pain in the ass but hey, isn't that why I'm here? To make sure things are really going on in his life?
And then there's my kids. I know we are "bonded" together but I want to meet the mother who has never ever wished she didn't have kids for a day. Just one whole day to be lazy in bed, not have to do kids laundry, break up fights, keep on top of their homework, worry about them, or just generally being a mom. Sometimes it really does take a large, healthy dose of patience to love my boys. They are my world but it does take some thing....
Then there is my husband.
There's this little joke about when Arnold asked my parents if he could marry me. It was the same weekend that my sister got married. He asked if he could marry me.. my dad's response "If you can afford her you can have her!". Arnold took that to heart. He can "afford" me. He can afford my whims, he can afford my freak outs, he can afford my craziness, my slight OCD. His greatest payoff? My love, trust, friendship and patience.
We both have a large amount of patience for each other. Mine might be slightly (ok ALOT) less than his but it's there. We know that we both have days where loving each other is going to be hard for that day. We know that the payoff is there. We have a great relationship.
It's work, it's real hard work. But with some time, patience and two people who really truly want to be together (and love each other) it works.
This is so true. Not just for a married couple but for anyone. Friendships. Siblings. Parent/Child.
I can you tell you about friends of mine. We were best friends when we were kids. Our parents were best friends so when both families had 2 girls it was destine for us to be "best friends". While I may not have always been a best friend to this girl, I would count her as one of my bestest friends right now. If there was something really driving me crazy she would be someone I would text/call/facebook. It's not something that happens alot but knowing that relationship is there is so comforting.
Then there's my siblings... oh man! My brother lives with us (in case anyone didn't know yet) and while he may be in the other room it does take time to have a relationship with him. It may seem like an older sister being a pain in the ass but hey, isn't that why I'm here? To make sure things are really going on in his life?
And then there's my kids. I know we are "bonded" together but I want to meet the mother who has never ever wished she didn't have kids for a day. Just one whole day to be lazy in bed, not have to do kids laundry, break up fights, keep on top of their homework, worry about them, or just generally being a mom. Sometimes it really does take a large, healthy dose of patience to love my boys. They are my world but it does take some thing....
Then there is my husband.
There's this little joke about when Arnold asked my parents if he could marry me. It was the same weekend that my sister got married. He asked if he could marry me.. my dad's response "If you can afford her you can have her!". Arnold took that to heart. He can "afford" me. He can afford my whims, he can afford my freak outs, he can afford my craziness, my slight OCD. His greatest payoff? My love, trust, friendship and patience.
We both have a large amount of patience for each other. Mine might be slightly (ok ALOT) less than his but it's there. We know that we both have days where loving each other is going to be hard for that day. We know that the payoff is there. We have a great relationship.
It's work, it's real hard work. But with some time, patience and two people who really truly want to be together (and love each other) it works.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ March Break
This week our "Marriage Mondays" has been put on hold for a bit. See for about 4 years now I've been taking my neice during March break. As soon as the kids were in school (and potty trained) they would all come to my house for my version of "Camp Heslop".
This week is no different. Except this year all of my neices are here. At least the ones in Ontario.
So instead of doing our Marriage Monday post I'm showing you the beauties and cuties I'll be spending my week with
This week is no different. Except this year all of my neices are here. At least the ones in Ontario.
So instead of doing our Marriage Monday post I'm showing you the beauties and cuties I'll be spending my week with
Monday, March 4, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Think Ahead
I've been talking alot about little notes of love. How those little gestures can mean so much to the other person. Today is no different.
We all know a few weeks ago was Valentine's Day. We know for us it is never a "big" holiday. We always chill out at home. Infact I don't think we have ever been out ON Valentine's Day.
This year was going to be different. A girl from school was going to babysit for us. Her first time babysitting and a great treat for us to go out on Valentine's Day.
The week before I spent alot of time trying to figure out just what to do for my husband. I mean he has everything he wants... me! Right!?! I'm sure there is more he wants but I would have to be enough.
I still wanted to do something super sweet. So Sunday night I came up with a "plan". On Monday I was going to get up early and mail off something for my husband. Then reality hit.. I had a daycare girl on Monday morning and if this was going to happen it was going to happen EARLY! And I do mean EARLY.
So Monday morning I kicked my hubby out of the house in record time (well not kicked, but strongly encouraged by completing some of his tasks). Then the boys and I came up with 14 reasons Arnold is my valentine. The boys were a "Great" help by suggesting things like "can play on the wii with us". Here are a few of my suggestions.
I quickly signed and sent the card away before my daycare girl got there. Oh yeah, I'm that good!
Every day during the week I got more and more excited about when his card would arrive at work. Turns out, that it arrived perfectly on Valentine's Day. And he was the *only* one on the 2nd floor to get his card. I love it when things work out perfectly!
I, was *so* blessed. My husband feels that showing the boys, by example, of how to love the woman in their life. And true to his word, he took the boys out the night before and they bought flowers and hid them in the house (I'm still not sure where the hiding place is!). Valentine's morning I woke up to 2 bouquets of flowers at the top of the stairs, complete with sweet cards. Quinton gave me beautiful orange tulips and Kyler gave me some colourful mums. Arnold gave me pink (almost purple) roses. Everything was beautiful!
I am one lucky lady.
While thinking ahead of Valentine's day is always a good idea, it doesn't have to stop there. Think ahead about a date, or special date coming up. Even just another day of the week. Those "just because" cards are the best.
I dare you. I dare you to think ahead and drop something in the mail for your special person in your life. See what a difference a card can make!
We all know a few weeks ago was Valentine's Day. We know for us it is never a "big" holiday. We always chill out at home. Infact I don't think we have ever been out ON Valentine's Day.
This year was going to be different. A girl from school was going to babysit for us. Her first time babysitting and a great treat for us to go out on Valentine's Day.
The week before I spent alot of time trying to figure out just what to do for my husband. I mean he has everything he wants... me! Right!?! I'm sure there is more he wants but I would have to be enough.
I still wanted to do something super sweet. So Sunday night I came up with a "plan". On Monday I was going to get up early and mail off something for my husband. Then reality hit.. I had a daycare girl on Monday morning and if this was going to happen it was going to happen EARLY! And I do mean EARLY.
So Monday morning I kicked my hubby out of the house in record time (well not kicked, but strongly encouraged by completing some of his tasks). Then the boys and I came up with 14 reasons Arnold is my valentine. The boys were a "Great" help by suggesting things like "can play on the wii with us". Here are a few of my suggestions.
Loving Husband
Amazing Father
Hard worker
Good with your Hands
Godfearing Man
Strong in Every Situation
Attentive to my Needs
I quickly signed and sent the card away before my daycare girl got there. Oh yeah, I'm that good!
Every day during the week I got more and more excited about when his card would arrive at work. Turns out, that it arrived perfectly on Valentine's Day. And he was the *only* one on the 2nd floor to get his card. I love it when things work out perfectly!
I, was *so* blessed. My husband feels that showing the boys, by example, of how to love the woman in their life. And true to his word, he took the boys out the night before and they bought flowers and hid them in the house (I'm still not sure where the hiding place is!). Valentine's morning I woke up to 2 bouquets of flowers at the top of the stairs, complete with sweet cards. Quinton gave me beautiful orange tulips and Kyler gave me some colourful mums. Arnold gave me pink (almost purple) roses. Everything was beautiful!
I am one lucky lady.
While thinking ahead of Valentine's day is always a good idea, it doesn't have to stop there. Think ahead about a date, or special date coming up. Even just another day of the week. Those "just because" cards are the best.
I dare you. I dare you to think ahead and drop something in the mail for your special person in your life. See what a difference a card can make!
Monday, February 25, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Notes of Love
Most, if not all, of these Marriage Mondays will be coming from my point of view. It's hard to get my hubby to sit down and write something out. Sometimes things you dream about never happen. Kidding. I've actually never dreamed about him writing it my blog. It would almost be like an invasion of my "world".
One of the things we learned at our weekend was how to get things done around the house. They related it back to having children and getting them to do things. One of the suggestions was to get things done was to put post-it notes across the TV. Or anywhere that your child spends alot of time. Have the child complete each post-it note and remove it from the screen. Once they are all removed the child may watch TV or do whatever they wanted.
When *I* heard this my reaction was "Heck yes! I could SO use this for K and Q".
But.. when Arnold heard this, it translated into something completely different.
Part of the reason for the Post-it notes was to have the child to complete task when you couldn't be there to walk them step by step. When you, giving commands, right after each other, isn't possible you could use the Post-it notes.
Arnold took this to heart.
A few weeks ago all of us were around the kitchen table and the boys were having special pops upstairs. I wanted my normal diet coke but it was in the basement. Instead of the boys getting it, Arnold volunteered. And here's what I got:
Ever since then I've been enjoying being told "you are my sunshine" from my husband and from my youngest son. Quinton saw how happy I was to get that note and how it's displayed on my fridge. Now Quinton has taken to writing it everywhere: in the snow; on a window (so you have to breath on it to find the note); on paper from school. Pretty much everywhere now.
Another example of how my husband has used post-it notes was just last week. I had the WORST morning ever. Things just kept going wrong. I smashed my foot, didn't have clean clothes, forgot my bp meds and had to go back to the basement, came upstairs to a DIRTY kitchen and laundry overflowing. It was so frustrating.
I didn't want to have anything to do with my husband that day. I was mad that he hadn't moved the weight I smashed my foot into. I was mad that my brother didn't unload the dishwasher... which meant my husband didn't load the dishwasher. I was mad that Arnold didn't take the time to unload and load the dishwasher. I was mad that the pots and pans I had used to "slave" over dinner the night before weren't washed (an Arnold job). I was mad. I was just completely mad.
Arnold knew it. He knew there was NOTHING he could to do make me happy that morning. He even tried loading the dishwasher but he was loading things I had already unloaded and knew needed to be hand washed not put back in again. He was at a loss.
So as my husband left for work he left me some love notes. I found this one as I was getting the kids ready for school:
It was so sweet. I really did smile.
My day got better at school and when I came home with Q and my daycare girl. I always check the mail and today I got the best thing ever:
It was perfect. Arnold knew just how to tell me what he wanted to (ie that he loves me and that I'm amazing) even though I wasn't ready to hear it in the morning.
I'm always surprised how I can take one thing (post-it notes for your children to do jobs) and my husband can take it and turn it into something totally different (leaving me love notes around the house).
Today, take a few minutes and leave a love note for your better half. Tell them something you want them to know. For some help, something like... I love you; You are amazing; I'm in love with you; Thank you for being you; Take your clothes off..... well that may lead to something TOTALLY different!
One of the things we learned at our weekend was how to get things done around the house. They related it back to having children and getting them to do things. One of the suggestions was to get things done was to put post-it notes across the TV. Or anywhere that your child spends alot of time. Have the child complete each post-it note and remove it from the screen. Once they are all removed the child may watch TV or do whatever they wanted.
When *I* heard this my reaction was "Heck yes! I could SO use this for K and Q".
But.. when Arnold heard this, it translated into something completely different.
Part of the reason for the Post-it notes was to have the child to complete task when you couldn't be there to walk them step by step. When you, giving commands, right after each other, isn't possible you could use the Post-it notes.
Arnold took this to heart.
A few weeks ago all of us were around the kitchen table and the boys were having special pops upstairs. I wanted my normal diet coke but it was in the basement. Instead of the boys getting it, Arnold volunteered. And here's what I got:
Ever since then I've been enjoying being told "you are my sunshine" from my husband and from my youngest son. Quinton saw how happy I was to get that note and how it's displayed on my fridge. Now Quinton has taken to writing it everywhere: in the snow; on a window (so you have to breath on it to find the note); on paper from school. Pretty much everywhere now.
Another example of how my husband has used post-it notes was just last week. I had the WORST morning ever. Things just kept going wrong. I smashed my foot, didn't have clean clothes, forgot my bp meds and had to go back to the basement, came upstairs to a DIRTY kitchen and laundry overflowing. It was so frustrating.
I didn't want to have anything to do with my husband that day. I was mad that he hadn't moved the weight I smashed my foot into. I was mad that my brother didn't unload the dishwasher... which meant my husband didn't load the dishwasher. I was mad that Arnold didn't take the time to unload and load the dishwasher. I was mad that the pots and pans I had used to "slave" over dinner the night before weren't washed (an Arnold job). I was mad. I was just completely mad.
Arnold knew it. He knew there was NOTHING he could to do make me happy that morning. He even tried loading the dishwasher but he was loading things I had already unloaded and knew needed to be hand washed not put back in again. He was at a loss.
So as my husband left for work he left me some love notes. I found this one as I was getting the kids ready for school:
It was so sweet. I really did smile.
My day got better at school and when I came home with Q and my daycare girl. I always check the mail and today I got the best thing ever:
It was perfect. Arnold knew just how to tell me what he wanted to (ie that he loves me and that I'm amazing) even though I wasn't ready to hear it in the morning.
I'm always surprised how I can take one thing (post-it notes for your children to do jobs) and my husband can take it and turn it into something totally different (leaving me love notes around the house).
Today, take a few minutes and leave a love note for your better half. Tell them something you want them to know. For some help, something like... I love you; You are amazing; I'm in love with you; Thank you for being you; Take your clothes off..... well that may lead to something TOTALLY different!
Monday, February 11, 2013
Marriage Mondays ~ Spend A Little Time On Him
Last week I wrote about connecting with your husband. It may not have been the perfect post but that's ok.
This week I wanted to talk about Spending a Little Time On Him. I'm not sure about you but lately I've been alot more "me, me, me, me, and oh yeah, ME". So spending time on my husband was hard! It's not that I didn't want to or that I couldn't, just that I had to make an effort.
Arnold has been so sweet since our weekend away. He even popped a card in the mail about 4 days after we got home. It told me how thankful he was that I went away with him for the weekend and how much fun he had getting to know me.
Now all at once ladies "awwwwwww" That's right. So how do I return the love to him? How do I spend some time on him?
I got the chance on Friday (Jan 25th). Arnold had done me a favour by taking Kyler to the community centre and was late leaving for work. It meant he was going to be late getting home as well.
Then when he got to work he had a conference text with Germany and some "holy crap" projects to work on, a few top priorities things that had to be done and just way too much. I was asked "What'd I do this morning to deserve a mess when I got to work?" Talk about heartbreak. How do you tell your husband, "nothing, it's all everyone else's fault". Instead my response was "Nothing sweety. It's just hard sometimes. Hopefully moving things around with release dates and stuff will be easier from now on. I'm praying for you, love. Sometimes days are just hard."
Notice something?
"I'm praying for you" I"m praying for him. And right then and there I was praying for him. I was praying his day would get better, his mind would be a bit more at ease and he would be able to relax.
I started a random search online for things to do for your husband. I was reading the ideas and came up with one. Have a nice night for your husband and then it came to me...
I made my husband an "evite". It emailed to him with an invitation to a "Happy Hour" party.
Here's what it said below:
Message from Host
This week I wanted to talk about Spending a Little Time On Him. I'm not sure about you but lately I've been alot more "me, me, me, me, and oh yeah, ME". So spending time on my husband was hard! It's not that I didn't want to or that I couldn't, just that I had to make an effort.
Arnold has been so sweet since our weekend away. He even popped a card in the mail about 4 days after we got home. It told me how thankful he was that I went away with him for the weekend and how much fun he had getting to know me.
Now all at once ladies "awwwwwww" That's right. So how do I return the love to him? How do I spend some time on him?
I got the chance on Friday (Jan 25th). Arnold had done me a favour by taking Kyler to the community centre and was late leaving for work. It meant he was going to be late getting home as well.
Then when he got to work he had a conference text with Germany and some "holy crap" projects to work on, a few top priorities things that had to be done and just way too much. I was asked "What'd I do this morning to deserve a mess when I got to work?" Talk about heartbreak. How do you tell your husband, "nothing, it's all everyone else's fault". Instead my response was "Nothing sweety. It's just hard sometimes. Hopefully moving things around with release dates and stuff will be easier from now on. I'm praying for you, love. Sometimes days are just hard."
Notice something?
"I'm praying for you" I"m praying for him. And right then and there I was praying for him. I was praying his day would get better, his mind would be a bit more at ease and he would be able to relax.
I started a random search online for things to do for your husband. I was reading the ideas and came up with one. Have a nice night for your husband and then it came to me...
I made my husband an "evite". It emailed to him with an invitation to a "Happy Hour" party.
Here's what it said below:
Message from Host
Monday, February 4, 2013
Marriage Monday ~ Connecting with Your Husband
First off I want to say, I am NO expert. At all. Not even in things I want to pretend I am. I still refer to people, the Internet, my mom, other parents and most of all God and the Bible for most of my information. It could be anything from needing help with my laundry (mom) to what to do about my kids in school (other parents). But I do NOT claim to be an expert. At all.
Now with that being said:
I've thought about this for a while and thought it was time to start doing something semi regular in my blog. These Marriage Mondays may seem out of date compared to when you read them, and they most likely are. I've completed some of these things in the month before I have posted it on the blog. Not only does it give me some time to get caught up but it gives me some time to see how things went.
Today's topic, Connecting with Your husband.
I thought I was connected with my husband. Completely. Totally. I knew what he wanted, when he wanted it and how he wanted it... but I was SO wrong.
My husband went to a men's retreat a few months ago at Muskoka Bible Centre. When he was there the centre was beginning their "push" for the marriage weekend. Arnold came home thinking, hey, this could be fun! He wanted to try it. I was about 4 months pregnant with Otis. I told him if he wanted to do it he was going to have to find childcare and we were going to have to use our birthday money to pay for it. He was all on board, so that meant I was as well.
When we were in the hospital just before Otis was born I was telling Arnold to cancel. Cancel it now, and see if we could get our money back. There was *no* way we could have a preemie and go away for the weekend. I just couldn't do it.
After Otis passed away we chose to use this weekend as our weekend to "check in" with each other. Jan 18th-20th was about 2 months from when I went into the hospital so it was a good time to check in and see how we were doing. We wanted to use this time as a chance to exchange gifts with each other and to see how we were both doing. Away from the kids.
This meant it was our first time being away from the kids as well... Arnold's childcare was changed from my parents to my brother (thank you Jack!). We have never gone away with just the 2 of us since we got married almost 9 years ago. So really, truly this was perfect time to go away.
Back to the weekend...
We headed out Friday around 3pm. We quickly did some running around and were on the road. We stopped in Orillia for supper. It was lightly snowing when we went in. You know those cute flakes? Well when we came out about a half hour/hour later it was all over the car and we went from driving 110Km/h on the highway to driving more like 85km/h if we were lucky. It was bad.
Now for those who know me I'm not one for driving in bad weather. I hate it. HATE it. I know I know it's not that bad, cars are safe, ect. But I just don't like it at all. So to pass the time and help me relax Arnold and I talked about random things. Really completely random things.
We got to MBC just in time to sign in (7pm) and find our room. Arnold parked the car and we dropped everything off. We were in this little motel room. Queen bed, 2 night side tables, a tall table, a 3 piece bathroom and a comfy chair. It had sliding doors at the back of the motel room and a view of the lake. So beautiful.
We got all the things in from the car and then headed out for snacks. We got something to drink, some cookies and then went to session #1.
Our speakers were Bill and Pam Farrel. They were great. I really did enjoy their sessions. The worship team was incredible. JUST what I needed this weekend. The first session was giving us a overview of their book (Men are like Waffles Women are like Spaghetti). And kinda going into the differences.
Men think like Waffles... the Waffle is a box.. .every box is something else. And as Bill explained it, when men get older they can travel from box to box faster, which makes them look like they are multi tasking. There are different boxes. There is the "Nothing" box (where they are thinking nothing), the "Happy" box (could be sports, something they enjoy), the "Bingo" box (sex), the "Children" box (each kid has a box including things like what they like, age, ect), the "Budget" box, the "Jobs Around The House" box, ect.
Women think like Spaghetti. If you put a piece of spaghetti on a plate you see it winds and curls and connects/touches almost every other strands. Everything we think is connected. For example you might start a conversation like "At work today my friend called and asked me to go for coffee. So we went to this little shop down the road that has those cute curtains. They remind me of the ones in Sue's house. You know in the spare room? They have those yellow and purple together. You know, yellow and purple dont' always look good together. I'm more of a yellow and blue kind of girl. but not that yellow like the sun, more like yellow like gold. And blue like the sky. They look good together. I really think Brad and Tyler look good together, don't you think? Such a cute couple. And those pictures they took this summer. I wonder if that photographer could do our photos, maybe couple ones? We haven't had our own photos done since our wedding." As you can see this conversation connect everything from Work - friends - coffee- shop- curtains - Sue's house - spare room - colours - gold - blue - together - friends - photos - ect.... To a girl it's a normal train of thought. To a guy this is so confusing... a million different boxes!
Anyway... we learned about how to communicate with each other. It was really a great session. That night we went back to our room and exchanged our "Christmas" gifts with each other. Arnold got me this shirt I wanted. REALLY wanted. But I just couldn't do it. So Arnold went back to the store and bought it for me! I got him a years worth of dates. Every month we are going somewhere different. And it ensures we actually GO/DO something.
Over the weekend we learned more about how to communicate within our marriage (small talk, thought sand ideas, opinions and convictions and emotional connections), how to be a great listener, having safe words with each other for fights, freaking out, how to deal with stress in your home, how we are motivated, how to resolve conflict (since we each do it differently), how to approach conflict, how to forgive, and how to romance each other (again).
Each time we had a break at the camp we would talk with each other about what we learned and what we thought. On the way home we had 3-4 hours of talking about what we had learned. It was our way to re-connect with my husband. We talked about the past, the present and what we thought about for our future. It was fantastic. I loved having time to find out more about my husband.
I challenge you to ask your husband, what are his favourite "boxes"? Find out where he likes to "stay" on his waffle and remember it. When it's a long hard day suggest a "box" to him. Or make that box possible for him.
Connect with your husband today. If nothing else give him 5 minutes of eye contact and listen to him.
And if at all possible, get a weekend away like we did!
Here's just a few photos from our weekend:
Is he not the most handsome man in the whole world? I think so
Now with that being said:
I've thought about this for a while and thought it was time to start doing something semi regular in my blog. These Marriage Mondays may seem out of date compared to when you read them, and they most likely are. I've completed some of these things in the month before I have posted it on the blog. Not only does it give me some time to get caught up but it gives me some time to see how things went.
Today's topic, Connecting with Your husband.
I thought I was connected with my husband. Completely. Totally. I knew what he wanted, when he wanted it and how he wanted it... but I was SO wrong.
My husband went to a men's retreat a few months ago at Muskoka Bible Centre. When he was there the centre was beginning their "push" for the marriage weekend. Arnold came home thinking, hey, this could be fun! He wanted to try it. I was about 4 months pregnant with Otis. I told him if he wanted to do it he was going to have to find childcare and we were going to have to use our birthday money to pay for it. He was all on board, so that meant I was as well.
When we were in the hospital just before Otis was born I was telling Arnold to cancel. Cancel it now, and see if we could get our money back. There was *no* way we could have a preemie and go away for the weekend. I just couldn't do it.
After Otis passed away we chose to use this weekend as our weekend to "check in" with each other. Jan 18th-20th was about 2 months from when I went into the hospital so it was a good time to check in and see how we were doing. We wanted to use this time as a chance to exchange gifts with each other and to see how we were both doing. Away from the kids.
This meant it was our first time being away from the kids as well... Arnold's childcare was changed from my parents to my brother (thank you Jack!). We have never gone away with just the 2 of us since we got married almost 9 years ago. So really, truly this was perfect time to go away.
Back to the weekend...
We headed out Friday around 3pm. We quickly did some running around and were on the road. We stopped in Orillia for supper. It was lightly snowing when we went in. You know those cute flakes? Well when we came out about a half hour/hour later it was all over the car and we went from driving 110Km/h on the highway to driving more like 85km/h if we were lucky. It was bad.
Now for those who know me I'm not one for driving in bad weather. I hate it. HATE it. I know I know it's not that bad, cars are safe, ect. But I just don't like it at all. So to pass the time and help me relax Arnold and I talked about random things. Really completely random things.
We got to MBC just in time to sign in (7pm) and find our room. Arnold parked the car and we dropped everything off. We were in this little motel room. Queen bed, 2 night side tables, a tall table, a 3 piece bathroom and a comfy chair. It had sliding doors at the back of the motel room and a view of the lake. So beautiful.
We got all the things in from the car and then headed out for snacks. We got something to drink, some cookies and then went to session #1.
Our speakers were Bill and Pam Farrel. They were great. I really did enjoy their sessions. The worship team was incredible. JUST what I needed this weekend. The first session was giving us a overview of their book (Men are like Waffles Women are like Spaghetti). And kinda going into the differences.
Men think like Waffles... the Waffle is a box.. .every box is something else. And as Bill explained it, when men get older they can travel from box to box faster, which makes them look like they are multi tasking. There are different boxes. There is the "Nothing" box (where they are thinking nothing), the "Happy" box (could be sports, something they enjoy), the "Bingo" box (sex), the "Children" box (each kid has a box including things like what they like, age, ect), the "Budget" box, the "Jobs Around The House" box, ect.
Women think like Spaghetti. If you put a piece of spaghetti on a plate you see it winds and curls and connects/touches almost every other strands. Everything we think is connected. For example you might start a conversation like "At work today my friend called and asked me to go for coffee. So we went to this little shop down the road that has those cute curtains. They remind me of the ones in Sue's house. You know in the spare room? They have those yellow and purple together. You know, yellow and purple dont' always look good together. I'm more of a yellow and blue kind of girl. but not that yellow like the sun, more like yellow like gold. And blue like the sky. They look good together. I really think Brad and Tyler look good together, don't you think? Such a cute couple. And those pictures they took this summer. I wonder if that photographer could do our photos, maybe couple ones? We haven't had our own photos done since our wedding." As you can see this conversation connect everything from Work - friends - coffee- shop- curtains - Sue's house - spare room - colours - gold - blue - together - friends - photos - ect.... To a girl it's a normal train of thought. To a guy this is so confusing... a million different boxes!
Anyway... we learned about how to communicate with each other. It was really a great session. That night we went back to our room and exchanged our "Christmas" gifts with each other. Arnold got me this shirt I wanted. REALLY wanted. But I just couldn't do it. So Arnold went back to the store and bought it for me! I got him a years worth of dates. Every month we are going somewhere different. And it ensures we actually GO/DO something.
Over the weekend we learned more about how to communicate within our marriage (small talk, thought sand ideas, opinions and convictions and emotional connections), how to be a great listener, having safe words with each other for fights, freaking out, how to deal with stress in your home, how we are motivated, how to resolve conflict (since we each do it differently), how to approach conflict, how to forgive, and how to romance each other (again).
Each time we had a break at the camp we would talk with each other about what we learned and what we thought. On the way home we had 3-4 hours of talking about what we had learned. It was our way to re-connect with my husband. We talked about the past, the present and what we thought about for our future. It was fantastic. I loved having time to find out more about my husband.
I challenge you to ask your husband, what are his favourite "boxes"? Find out where he likes to "stay" on his waffle and remember it. When it's a long hard day suggest a "box" to him. Or make that box possible for him.
Connect with your husband today. If nothing else give him 5 minutes of eye contact and listen to him.
And if at all possible, get a weekend away like we did!
Here's just a few photos from our weekend:
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