Thursday, March 12, 2015

My heart breaks...

I feel as though this post will offend some.  And guess what!  It will.  But it wasn't my plan.  Remember that this blog is somewhere for me to get out my thoughts, feelings and share news.

My heart breaks....

My heart breaks for my grandparents.  On Friday my grandfather will be moving into a nursing home for a while.  My grandma needs some time to recover from not doing so well and in order to do that she needs more help with grandpa.  It can't be easy watching your husband slowly go downhill and need more help.  Grandpa forgets more and more but the one thing he does remember is his love for grandma.

My heart breaks for my parents.  This week things changed for them.  My parents are learning the ropes of how to care for aging parents more than anything.  They are having to separate grandma and grandpa for a while and are learning to deal with the changes.  It can't be easy. I can only imagine the emotional heartache this causes for them. 

My heart breaks for my husband.  Our plans for march break are thrown out the window.  The kitchen is slowly becoming harder to do with our childcare being canceled and my hubby will have a lot to deal with.  He is also dealing with changes that, with the kitchen, seem to be causing more stress than joy tonight.

My heart breaks for Kyler.  Today will be his first ever basketball tournament.  He is so proud to have made the team and so excited to be going.  It does mean he misses a day of school! But... The minute he made the team he called his Nana and asked her to come and was so excited for her and Papa to see the games.  And now they can't come.  Last night, when we told the boys all the plans for March break were canceled he didn't cry.  He didn't seem upset.  Arnold and I did our best to 'up sell' but it didn't work.  Kyler came to me and asked if we could speak in private and when we moved to a different room he broke down into tears about not having his grandparents at the game.  He had told everyone they were coming and he was so excited to show off for them and now he was devastated.

My heart breaks for Quinton.  He has been counting down the time for his march break with my folks.  He has been telling everyone that he won't be there for pizza day because he will be with his Nana and papa.  I made the mistake a few days ago telling Q that "Jack and Sam's Nana and Papa" would be picking him up.  He heard Nana and papa would get him and he was running out the door at school so fast.  Then came back in wondering why his Nana and papa weren't there for him.  He has been so excited to see the dogs and to play with them.  And when plans went to plan b yesterday, he was super excited to go see amber and Lisa.  Now... He is so sad that its not going to happen.

And I'm sad.  Once again, I feel as though all my plans have been thrown for a loop and I'm back to square one.  It seems that when I make plans that involve my children going away I need to almost double book them into something else as things seem to get messed up.  I'm sad that I don't have the time right now to celebrate the amazing things happening in our lives because we are scrambling to clean up messes more.  And I'm sad that I feel this way.  I do realize, contrary to popular belief, that the world is not all about me.  But sometimes... It would be nice.

Sometimes, my heart just breaks.

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