Monday, April 8, 2013

Marriage Mondays ~ Spend Time Apart

ha! I know right?  These "Marriage Mondays" are to be talking about you and your spouse and how to get closer, have a better marriage and how to grow... TOGETHER.

Well sometimes.. you just need to spend time apart.

In the (almost) 9 years Arnold and I have been married the most we have spent apart from each other, at one time, was last summer when my mom hurt herself and we needed to stay.  The little boys and I spent 2 weeks in Sarnia and Arnold spent 2 weeks here in Toronto.  It wasn't exactly 2 weeks but pretty darn close.

Before that the most was a week when Arnold took Kyler to Alberta. 

During the times Arnold and I have been apart we have talked/texted/emailed almost every day.  I love knowing "what's new" in his life, even if we are close!  Being apart is hard.  I really thrive on knowing what my husband is doing and if everything is ok.  I know some of you are reading this and going "yeah right, she just likes checking up on him".  It's true.  I do.  I like knowing what he's doing.  But not for the reasons some of you may believe.  I love knowing what's going on because if there's a situation I can pray for him, I do. 

And I do a lot.

Each year for the past 3 or 4 Arnold and the boys have gone away for a weekend in January.  Our church used to rent out a campground for a weekend and have a retreat.  They would head out on Friday and I would enjoy the house, all to myself, quiet, and just me, for one weekend.  The first few times I would clean like mad.  Or scrapbook, or have the girls over for some wine and movie nights, or just enjoy the time alone, quiet, and alone.  I would sleep in, order out and enjoy my time alone.

This year was a bit crazy and, while I didn't get time alone, I did get some time with my hubby and me instead.

However... I know what's coming.  I'm boiling up and over.  I haven't had that weekend to "recharge".  I know it's silly but with our situation it just hasn't worked out.  I need that weekend to reconnect with myself, reorganize my priorities and just generally enjoy the quiet, and not worry about making too much noise, making sure people are fed and being a "mom".

Please don't get me wrong.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mom and a wife and a sister (since Jack lives here) but sometimes I just need to be alone.  For anyone who is a mom, closing the door to the bathroom doesn't always work to shut people out.

Sometimes you just need time apart.

If you are like me take time to schedule it.  Take time to make sure you get time apart.  It doesn't mean you have to send people away but it gives you time apart.  I crave time in my own home.  I don't like having a "day off" as some people call it.  Mainly because my "days off" are being sent out of my house.  Sure I'm getting time off but I'm not in my home.  I'm being "nice" to people in public, maybe even having conversations with people I know, spending money (generally) and having to be a bit different that I do in my own home.

If you do have to schedule it and you need to send people away then plan ahead.  I can go a few months without having to need time alone.  Heck for a while it was once a year.  That worked for me.  Perfect to recharge and get that alone time.  Plan a weekend you know your spouse could go and see their family, or just crash on a buddies couch.  Anything.  If you have kids try to work it out that they have a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpas house.  Anything.

For me... I'm realizing this may need to happen.  I may need to send them away for a few days.  And while I don't enjoy being apart from my husband and my kids.  I may need it more than I realize. 

But, for now, the one night I know hubby is gone is the last weekend in April... I may stay up super late and just pretend I don't have kids while they are sleeping!  Who knows!

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