Baby Casey ~ Pictures

When we found out we were expecting Casey I did the "normal" thing.  Freek out and then take pictures of the pregnancy test.  I finally emptied my camera and have those pictures as well as pictures of the flowers we have in honour of Casey.

A family from church brought us a meal and some tulips.  Also as soon as Arnold found out what was going on he called the church and asked if we could get an Easter Lily in Casey's honour.  And we did.  When Arnold went to pick it up he was told to take more since some people didn't get theirs.  We took 2 home with us and they are now in our Baby Casey Garden out front.  I just couldn't pick one or 2 pictures so you have been forwared there are ALOT of photos.

Today I was told that my Beta levels are down to 13.  I'm finally getting back to a "normal" state.  I do plan on blogging at least one more post on Baby Casey and my miscarriage.  I want others out there to know what it was like to go through and that there is hope, even if I"m in tears when someone asks how I am doing.

Thank you for all your love and support.

Here are the flowers:























































And Baby Casey's Garden: We are hoping to get a stone for the garden. I haven't found anything "perfect" but I"m still looking.

Rain Day!

Can you believe it?  We almost had snow! SNOW!  In APRIL?!?!  Crazy!

No we got rain.  And so far it's windy cold and annoining!

There are so many puddles in the school playground that when Kyler ran out of the school he had landed in a puddle.  This means runner are on the heater, new socks and pants are drying over the back of a chair.

I"m not aginst rain, I"m aginst COLD rain :)

Just not ready, yet

I'm sitting here on the couch blogging while my family is getting ready for church. I'm just not ready, yet.

I'm not ready to "face the world" as some people call it. I'm just not ready to see so many babies in one place. I'm just not ready to see friends/family-like-people yet. I don't know why but I'm not ready.

I posted on a website I'm on about how I'm not ready. I'm almost scared to go and do these things. A friend, who has been through this before said, "It's normal Mir. I'm glad you are mourning the loss. You need to. It's ok to tell people that you are NOT fine too." I guess that is not something I'm "ok" with.

I'm not someone who tells people I'm NOT fine. I just don't do that.

Last night we went to a friends house for dinner. They have a 2.5year old (Melody) and a 2 month old (David). It was so nice to be out with them visiting and chatting. And to be honest this was the first time I've seen other people that know what is going on. I got a huge hug from Stephanie when I got there and then I held David. This was the first time I've held a baby since losing Casey. I teared up almost right away. He is so cute, and so little and just so sweet!

I won't lie, I had to bite my tongue to not have a full blown tear fest.

When we got home last night, and the boys were in bed, things put away and Arnold and I were finally in bed I cried. Arnold held me while I cried and I realized no matter how much I pretend I'm ok, I am not ok.


I am not ready to do everything I want. I am not ready to be at church; I am not ready to be working in the nursery; I'm not ready to see friends from church. I am just not ready.

I am just not ready, yet.

But I will be. I know God will give me the graces to be ready. I will be ready to do everything I did before with more love, excitement and joy but until then please just bare with me.

Things that make YOU happy

Lately I've been trying to get out of my "funk". I'm not really sure what else to call this. I've been doing little things that make me happy.

Some are not good for me (eating chocolate) others are fun (changing photos). I've been slowly working through some photos.

See, Spring time is CRAZY for me. I"m always taking photos of things growing and how beautiful everything is. I'm always reminded that God bring Spring to teach us, things will be good agin, things will be beautiful again. We just have to get past our winter.

Thank you Lord for changing seasons, in the world and in our lives.

So I've been taking pictures. ALOT. And currently my favourite thing is to change it so I only have colour on certin things. It's alot of fun. I'm really enjoying it. Along with getting back with my camera I'm also learning slowly but surely that things can change from day to day.

For example, while I'm writing this blog post it's wonderful outside. Plus 14C with a high today of plus 22C. I'm so happy, however... it's not always like that. Yesterday was COLD! I'm not sure I like the changes, but they also mean changes for my photographs. The flowers don't like cold. And who can blame them!

Anyway... I'm slowly working on things that make me happy. Wearing spring colours, reaing books, taking photos, and enjoying every snuggle and "payment" (kisses on my cheaks) from my boys. So what makes YOU happy? I'm going to include a few photos I've been doing. Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Quinton!

On April 10th my little man became a "whole hand".  I love it when they have birthdays.  It's so cool to see each of the kids progress into the men they will become.  I am so proud of them.

Quinton is still having some speech issues.  Currently we noticed it with the "TH" that they are doing at school.  We are getting ALOT of "F's" so I'm planning on going through my paperwork from the boys and see if I can find anything that may help us.  He has also begun to read!  I'm not 100% sure if I posted in there before but Q was getting so worried about his reading an so concerned that he couldn't do it.  So we started with small books.  Like "HUG".  It was great!  There are 3 words: hug, mama, bobo.  Perfect for Q.  And he loves that book.  This week they started the reading bags for the Jr's and his came home with a book called "Farm Friends".  He reads it like a pro "I see a cow.  I see a horse.  I see a hen.  I see a sheep.  I see a farm!"  I love watching him progress.

When I asked Q about himself he said he :

is full of energy (he *never* needs to sleep!)
can READ!
loves to bounce,
loves to play Wii, and
is a "whole hand"

It's so cute!

Anyway, Q's birthday wasn't as much fun as we thought it would be.  Between everyone not feeling well (including Q) it was low key.  The boys did have fun.  Here are some of the photos I've got from that day: