Just not ready, yet

I'm sitting here on the couch blogging while my family is getting ready for church. I'm just not ready, yet.

I'm not ready to "face the world" as some people call it. I'm just not ready to see so many babies in one place. I'm just not ready to see friends/family-like-people yet. I don't know why but I'm not ready.

I posted on a website I'm on about how I'm not ready. I'm almost scared to go and do these things. A friend, who has been through this before said, "It's normal Mir. I'm glad you are mourning the loss. You need to. It's ok to tell people that you are NOT fine too." I guess that is not something I'm "ok" with.

I'm not someone who tells people I'm NOT fine. I just don't do that.

Last night we went to a friends house for dinner. They have a 2.5year old (Melody) and a 2 month old (David). It was so nice to be out with them visiting and chatting. And to be honest this was the first time I've seen other people that know what is going on. I got a huge hug from Stephanie when I got there and then I held David. This was the first time I've held a baby since losing Casey. I teared up almost right away. He is so cute, and so little and just so sweet!

I won't lie, I had to bite my tongue to not have a full blown tear fest.

When we got home last night, and the boys were in bed, things put away and Arnold and I were finally in bed I cried. Arnold held me while I cried and I realized no matter how much I pretend I'm ok, I am not ok.


I am not ready to do everything I want. I am not ready to be at church; I am not ready to be working in the nursery; I'm not ready to see friends from church. I am just not ready.

I am just not ready, yet.

But I will be. I know God will give me the graces to be ready. I will be ready to do everything I did before with more love, excitement and joy but until then please just bare with me.

Flowers!

I know I have taken a lot of photos of my flowers this summer. I can't be blamed really! The flowers are beautiful!

I snapped these at the school on the way home:








And these at church on Sunday. What a pretty flower to be growing in the parking lot!

Quiet!

Last night, hubby and I watched Star Trek (the newest one cause the guys are WAY cuter) and didn't head to bed until about 11pm. Which is late for us. I have to admit, hubby did the best thing ever. He made up peanut butter and sprinkle sandwiches and some milk for the kids. He put the sandwiches in a container on the table and put some milk in the fridge! It was a perfect way to get a bit more time to sleep.

This morning I got up before the boys and got ready to head out. I went to Canadian Tire, Walmart and Zellers looking for a foot-open garbage can, bags for the garbage can, wipes, wipe refills, newborn diapers, and a smaller drawer. I managed to find all but the last 2 at the stores. I actually forgot to grab newborn diapers so it really wasn't that it wasn't there.

I headed home and picked up the boys. We went to IKEA to look for the drawer I wanted. And sure enough, this weekend is "move in" weekend at schools here. EVERYONE and their parents were here. Everything I wanted was gone! So instead I'm going back on Tuesday or Wednesday with Quinton to get what I still need. Hopefully it will actually be back by then!

My parents stopped by to visit for a few minutes. They had lunch and headed out to get a TV dad won for the store. And the boys got their gifts... new lunch bags! They are so cute! And now the kids are all ready for school.

When Nana and Papa headed out so did my boys. They are working on putting the projector up at church. The kids are excited to play around and packed their backpacks and new lunch bags with snacks for this afternoon... and now... it's quiet!

Too quiet! But, I guess I should get used to it!

July 16th - Saturday, July 17th - Sunday

Arnold and I had a GREAT date! We went to IKEA and put the kids in the play area. We only got a half hour but it was so much fun! We had a great time. Then we picked up the kids and did lunch at IKEA, did another walk through IKEA and went home.

We picked up a few thing and I got changed into my painting clothes. Claudia needed help painting posters for soccer camp. We went to church and dropped me off. I painted from about 1pm until about 4:30pm. While I was there the kids went to a local splash pad. They had so much fun.

We got home, had supper and started putting some IKEA stuff together. It was so much fun.

The kiddos went to bed and we did shortly after as well.

Sunday -

We went to church in the morning (after doing some touch ups around the house). I got the nursery set up a bit more and made sure it was going alright. Arnold did the sound for church and I got to listen to a service. It was alot of fun. Sometimes it's so hard after missing church so much during the summer.

We went home and had lunch and did some more cleaning and a nap. Amber came around 6pm and we visited with Aunt B for a bit and then she went home. We finally had everyone in beds by 8:00pm! They talked forever... more to come.

July 9th - Saturday - Painting!

Q and I were up early. We hit up McDonald's and got some breakfast and then went to the church. We let Arnold and Kyler sleep a bit longer. Q and I had breakfast and painted some more! I can't wait for this to get done! We ran out of paint... again :(

Kyler and Arnold showed up later (like 10am) and checked out the electronic stuff and made sure it was all working just fine. We finished up painting together at 4pm and headed home. Arnold and I worked on the basement.... again. And we stopped at RONA again... We picked up the carpet cleaner and a few other things. It was perfect!! We had alot of fun cleaning the carpet it looks GREAT now! I'm so happy with it and how it all turned out, painting the walls and cleaning the carpets and such.

We ordered pizza for supper at night. I was just too tired and it was too hot to cook!

Q and K helped me water the gardens before it got too dark and we got a few more things ready to clean up and ready to go for the next day!

July 8th - Friday - Chill Day!

Something I forgot to say was about these serious storms we had on Saturday night (the week before). Some people from the church were worried that something had happen to the equipment there so we made plans to go and check it out.

Arnold went to work a bit later than normal but he did get there :) It was a short day for him. He was in a bit late and then he got to "leave early" to go to the company party. What a "hard" day at work, esp after a vacation1

The boys and I chilled at home. After hearing that K was having a rough day we figured it would be good to do nothing so we did just that... nothing! We stayed home and chilled out.

Grandma had sent home some new Lego sets so the boys spent the morning doing that while we chilled out! I began moving things to the basement during the day and doing some gardening.

Once Arnold did get home we went to RONA and got more paint for the nursery and a few things at the house. Then we headed back home. The boys and Arnold did some more work in the basement and I mowed the back lawn for a while.

Arnold and I were up working on the basement until about 11pm or so then off to bed.

Need something to do on Saturday?

This Saturday our Church is having a FREE Farm Festival!! Check it out

FBC Christmas Kids singing

Forward Baptist Church Kids Christmas Songs - Dec 19th 2010 from Miranda Visser on Vimeo.

Enjoy!

Auntie Jaime's Christmas Gingerbread Open House and Silent Auction

On Sunday after church we did some running around and went to drop by Auntie Jaime's "Christmas Gingerbread Open House and Silent Auction" at Christine's house.

Jaime is this incredible friend from Church. We met her our first day there (thanks to Karin) and have loved her ever since! She has been so welcoming into her home for Ladies Bible Studies, helping out with the Kids Klub at church and even allowing our little one to come *years* before he should so we can help out with the youth. It has been so inspiring to get to know her and realize what a passion she has for kids and for this mission God has blessed her heart with.

On Sunday we went to the silent auction. People had donated gingerbread houses and they were up for auction for raising funds for Jaime for her trip to Ireland. She has paired with Greater Europe Mission for her time in Ireland. Right now she is working on having all of her support in line. Things are falling into place, faster some days than others. But this helped her out just a bit more. We were so happy to help out in anyway we could.

Since it's not in our budget right now to support Jaime I thought I would "push" her information onto friends and maybe, if God leads you, you can help her reach her goal and get on her way.

I know that our family will miss Jaime more than words can express but I also know God has a very big plan for this woman's life and He will bless her more than she can even imagine while she is there.

For more information on what Jaime wants to do and how she is doing check out her website here.

Without further adieu here are some photos from the silent Auction:













































Blessed: Our Family is blessed by the young adults that come to our house to "hang out" ever other week. We have a group of them that come over, eat supper, and just chill out. We get to visit and re-connect with each other. Since Sundays are so busy at church sometimes we don't get to see each other! It's nice to have that time together. And they bless our family so much by the love they show us and the love they show our children. Thanks guys!

December Game: Speaking of the YAH group we have a fondue once a year, at Christmas time. It's always our last one before we break for the holidays. This year was great timing! It's tonight!

Church Christmas Concert!

First off, I'm sorry! I seriously thought I was doing this right but I'm not! I couldn't get these updates to actually post on their own. I'll post this and an 'update' post!


Today was our Church Christmas Concert. It was good. So much singing and some great times had by all. The kids did a little thing. It was so cute!

I managed to snag a few photos and here's what I have. I hope to post the video this week:















Blessed: I'm blessed by the tutorials of how to post things on blogger, now, hehe!

December Games: I love this part of Christmas:

Operation Christmas Child AKA Shoeboxes

Last Saturday I had some wonderful ladies come to my house. We got into some cars and headed off to the dollar store. Less than 1 hour later we had some great goodies and made our way back to the house. We filled up our shoeboxes to send away to some children around the world. Here's some snapshots of our day:




























This is the video of what I sang on last Sunday: