October 15th

Today is October 15th.  A few year ago I would just tell you that it was a normal day.  The day before my birthday!  The day that I would quiz everyone and say "So... what did you get me? Do you know what a special day is tomorrow?"

Now I know what a special day it is.

October 15th is the day that I celebrate my family, with my family.  We talk about Baby Casey. 

For those of you who don't know Baby Casey came into our lives in February 2012.  We found out we were pregnant.  It was so exciting!!  We kept it quiet during a big family get together in March and we were so good about not saying anything at all!

It was so cool.  We had been working hard to get pregnant.  Arnold and I had been going to fertility treatment centers and were doing a few cycles to see how it was going and what was "wrong" with me. 

Finally we were pregnant. We were told because a blood test came back positive with them.  It was awesome!  I was SOOO glad and so excited.

We even had an ultrasound or 3 :)  We got to see the little baby.  This little tiny body forming inside my body.  My body was making another human.  How incredible my body is!

Then on the last Wednesday in March, I started spotting.  I was so scared.  We called the health center and were told that we just needed to wait it out at home. 

After more emergency appointments with our fertility doctor we found out we were losing our baby. 

I remember laying on the couch crying.  Arnold holding me and crying and crying and crying.  I told Arnold I could never do this again.  I could never lose another baby ever again.



And then our lives changed again.

We lost Otis in November 2012. 


And I will never ever be able to do this again.


As a friend of mine has been saying:

"If you lose a spouse, you're called a widow, or a widower.

 If you're a child and you lose your parents, then you're an orphan.

 But what's the word to describe a parent who loses a child?" (from six feet under)

There isn't a name... nothing, not a single word in the English language is able to describe the pain, loss, and so many other feelings that are associated with losing a child.



Today, when you see someone who has lost a child, in pregnancy or as an infant, please give them an extra hug today.  They need it!